


Original Sin

by fangirlingforeverz, homebound



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Black Reaper Kaneki, F/M, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, re Touka
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:57:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11929122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingforeverz/pseuds/fangirlingforeverz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/homebound/pseuds/homebound
Summary: Touka exhales, deeply disturbed by what she was doing with him and how okay she with it she was. Get used to it, Touka. This is the hell you chose.





	1. The hell you choose

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of requests have been coming in for a Black Reaper!Kaneki/Fluffy Haired!Touka – so we decided to write a series. This is an au that assumes that Touka and Kaneki had a brief fling prior to him being taken by aogiri.

She tried to ignore Sasaki Haise.

 

Tried forgetting the feelings that had bubbled up the moment she’d seen  _ him _ again. The words that crawled up her throat like some monster from the darkness at the sight of him looking at her. He had come to her, cried after tasting her coffee and all she did was give him a napkin and thanked him for his patronage.

 

It took every bit of her self control to not chase him down and tell him the truth. Hold him till her heart was content from the agony of simply waiting and keeping faith that he was okay. Even when everyone thought she was crazy for clinging to that very hope. She could see her Uncle’s eyes go from the door to her, assessing her every action and hold her back in case she tried to do the exact thing she said she wouldn’t.

 

She tries hard not to fuck him too.

 

But he was almost insistent with his visits. Stealing away for a cup of coffee, coming to her shop and tucking away in a corner to read all the books on the shelves that she had picked out with careful hands and a memory far too keen with pining for her own liking. He glances at her from under his eyelashes, being completely obvious with his longing gaze. 

 

That look -- it was the same one he had often given to Rize. Following her from behind his book, trying not to be seen.

 

Her hands clench at her apron behind the counter, as she looks everywhere else. How could she not be tempted? How could she  _ ever _ forget?

 

Her body reacts, unchanged from those two stolen months of experimenting --  _ touching, kissing, grasping, breathing.  _ Before Aogiri had stolen him away and they had been far too immature to reconcile their lust with any kind of feelings. All of whom, have left their mark on her very heart.

 

She likes to think that she had grown past that point -- past the recklessness of her youth. Her eyes slide towards him. Touka tries to restrain herself. She really does. Her hands clench and unclench. She washes the same spot on the table again and again and prays that he would just  _ leave. _ He doesn’t.

  
  
He stays at his table, looking at her from behind that damn, stupid book.

 

_ Go home, _ she thinks to herself, washing another cup.  _ Before I do something stupid. _

 

Another hour passes and he’s still there when she gives up.

 

_ Fuck it. _

 

Perhaps she hadn’t changed as much as she thought. 

 

Without thinking, she closes her shop four hours too early and entices him to the back into a store room with her. He is too jittery, too worked up to rationalize any sort of danger this could have put him in. God, he was so much like the old Ken that it breaks her heart. She doesn’t give him much opportunity to react when she kisses him the moment the door closers.

 

There’s a startled gasp -- and then he tenses before he returns her kiss with as much ferocity as her own. Was there still a part of him that remembers her touch?

 

All he could think about was that the beautiful waitress who occupies his every thought was kissing him and he has to kiss her back.

 

Her body feeling so familiar, so comforting, that he absolutely could not deny himself the opportunity to be with her.

 

Haise Sasaki lifts her up against the wall, taking great care to help her wrap her legs around his hips while he pounds into her so hard that she saw stars. 

 

How did she feel so familiar? Like he knew the expanse of her soft skin, the light scent of her jasmine perfume, the mole on her left breast that teases him and her expressive eyes, closing to half mast in a look that only a sultry vixen would give.

 

His name had changed, perhaps his body had too (she can feel it, the hard planes of his stomach against her softer curves) but he fucks her like Kaneki had the night before the raid.

 

She hadn’t felt this thrill in a long, long time and before she knows it she is hooked all over again.

 

\--

 

He bends her over the counter and pounds into her as she arches back, and she lets him squeeze his warm hand over her throat while his kisses on her shoulder turn into bites.

 

\--

 

“So, I’ll be seeing you later?” Despite everything he’s done to her and the obvious evidence of her shaking thighs and the scarf wrapped too tightly around her neck, Haise Sasaki reverts back to his shy self.. His eyes are wide with wonder and full of an emotion she dares not name as he watches her lock the door to her shop. 

  
  
“Yes,” She offers wryly, not knowing when it would be next that she will lose him.  _ Yes, yes, yes, yes.  _

__   
  
She’d said no enough and was not going to make those mistakes again.

 

Haise Sasaki smiles -- unlike that of a bloodthirsty ghoul or a blood hound dove. Sweet, gentle and loving, like she meant something to him despite only knowing her name and that she made his coffee well. 

  
  
_ (How funny.)  _

 

\--

 

They develop a routine to meet up for sex. The Chateau was hardly a place to take her back to, not that Touka would ever agree to it to begin with. She was walking on a tighter rope than usual with their routine. 

 

Walking into a house full of scorned children that thought themselves to be doves, was suicide. 

 

So they carefully plan to meet at her apartment. He fucks her for several hours, all over her apartment, leaving her tired but sated. It starts to become an addiction, where Haise cannot keep his wits to him when he’s in work meetings.

 

_ I want to see you tonight. Will you be home? _

 

All normal messages. His squad doesn’t seem to have caught onto what he’s up to or who he’s doing. Thank god for that.

 

Touka keeps her trysts with Haise a secret from everyone. Well, she tries to until stupid Nishiki catches on. To her relief, he doesn't disparage her about it for once, despite having opinions about her safety.

 

Then just as it began, it ends. Haise stops coming to her cafe. She saves Tsukiyama at a small human girl’s behest and overhears what happened. He had thrown Tsukiyama from a building -- he had remembered, and still chosen to do that.

 

“If he wanted to kill you, then why didn’t he just kill you?” The small girl asks, probably to mollify her friend, but Touka is still shaken. That didn’t sound like something he would do at all. Even when he had been at his most unstable, he hadn’t hurt stupid Tsukiyama. Even at times when he should’ve.

 

She sees a broadcast about the casualties for a raid at the Tsukiyama manor. Promoted and looking nothing like himself as he walks past reporters who ask nonsensical questions about the natures of the case he was currently working on and his lack of ethics in dealing with both ghouls and humans.

 

_ It figures. _

 

She shuts the TV off and returns to washing the dishes. It takes an incredible amount of effort to ignore the pitying looks from both her uncle and Nishiki. 

 

It doesn’t matter. She had always figured she would be left behind again.

 

\--

  
  


He looked the most like his old self but his personality couldn't be more different. He stops responding to her calls and coming by. Touka wonders why she expected anything different.

 

Despite the change in her routine and the loss of her time with him, Touka is doing well. He was safe, he was flourishing in his career, though she thought about that one bitterly and he was among the humans, where he had always belonged.

 

Whether she liked that or not was another matter.

 

When she sees him again, she’s taking a leisurely stroll through a shopping complex. Their eyes meet as he turns the corner of the sidewalk in his car. She was already exiting the complex when he stops his car right in front of her and clicks the locks open. 

 

She stares. 

 

Was he serious? After months and months of no contact -- he expected her to just drop everything and get into his car? She shivers in rage, glaring at him, but he stares back. His expression is cool before he speaks.

  
  
“Are you coming?”

 

_ No _ , is right on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t say that at all. Instead, she gets into the car. because old habits die incredibly hard.

 

\--

 

They are in the back seat of his sleek car, her shirt is hanging off the headrest of the passenger's seat. Her breasts bare as he squeezes the mounds together and closes his lips over her pert nipples. She throws her head back slowly with a mewl. He is kissing up a sloppy mess to her lips and forcing his tongue into her mouth. Her skirts already bunched up at her waist as he shifts his hips into hers, breathing raggedly against each other's mouths. 

 

This is electrifying; magnetic. Her mouth waters from how close she was to her end already. Then his hands are pinching open his slacks and rubbing her lace panties and ripping through them with cold fingers. 

 

_ "A-Ah! _ " She groans as he fits two long fingers inside her cunt and curls them forward. He had spent quite some time learning her body, and it was clear he hadn’t forgotten. Her hands clutch at his shirt collar as he pumps his fingers inside of her with no indication of stopping. 

 

She is so damn close.

 

Then he withdraws then, like the tyrant he was and licks them clean, places his saliva drenched fingers in her mouth as he positions his cock inside of her and slams in with a single thrust. 

 

It had been - months. She was not prepared for his girth but the ripping pain just makes her grow hotter and she is moaning and whimpering against his cheek, whispering for him to go faster. 

 

He is cruel, but he acquiesces because even he is vulnerable to this feeling that only she can inspire within him.  She can feel herself driven to mindless pleasure and the car rocking with them as she holds onto him for the ride.

 

The force of his thrusts cause his cock to kiss her cervix and it is not long before she is completely beside herself. It's maddening - the way that he can completely have her at his wits ends in a matter of minutes after ignoring her for months.

 

Her nails rake down his back and she snarls at him before biting at his lips hard enough to draw blood.

 

It tastes just as good as she remembers it, and it's not long before she's outright pulling at his lower lip, trying to tear it even more and get at even more of his blood. She could almost understand why Shittyama went so crazy over it.

 

He groans, taking the abuse, but also giving it right back as he pulls her shirt down, revealing her pale flesh and biting right where her clavicle met her throat.

 

He tears her flesh, and bites and swallows greedily. It hurts, but not enough to stop. 

 

At the moment, this was exactly what she needed.

 

"Fuck," he groans as he pounds into her, burying himself with each thrust, and she feels both him and herself cum with his last thrust. She clenches all around him, milking his cock as he fills her.

 

He kisses her with almost crushing force as he fills her up - and she can taste both his blood on her own on his mouth. For some reason, that makes it all the more better..

 

They are both heaving and panting, trying to make sense of the racing sensations and the racing heartbeats. 

 

What else happened after every encounter with him? 

 

Nothing. 

 

This is where it ends. He doesn’t speak in the aftermath as he rearranges himself back into his pants and looks past her. There are many things that she wants to say and ask him, but there is also no reason to. Not when she already knows the answer. He had made his choice -- according to Tsukiyama, he had recovered his memories and he had chosen not to return. She was nothing more than a whim for him now.

 

Touka sits up slowly and retrieves her bra and shirt, eyeing the blood stains with wariness. It's good that it was already dark out or else this would be suspicious.  

 

Buttoning up her blouse, she rolls her skirt down her thighs and checks for anything that could be telling of her encounter. Her purse was still at the foot of the passengers seat and the car is too dark to tell for sure. But this would have to do, hopefully no one was in her apartment lobby, if not, she can just make a mad dash.

 

\--   
  
They get back to the front side of the car, she clicks her seatbelt on and he’s back on the road with his face betraying nothing. 

 

He drives through the busy road of the expressway, deliberately missing the exit for her apartment and keeps going forward toward unknown territory. She is too drowsy to notice and only comes to her senses when he parks his car. 

 

"Wha-- where are we?" 

 

"My flat," he says quietly. "It's too late for you to walk home like that." 

 

This was the most he has said to her since he changed.   
  
_ Again. _

 

She frowns, before muttering, "You could have just driven me home," but he doesn't answer her, and instead takes the keys out of the ignition. She sighs. It figures - he was as selfish as always.

 

He wasn't done with her yet.

 

She should just call up shitty glasses or her uncle to pick her up and take her home - but she only supposes that she wanted him as well. She groans, frustrated.

 

Why was she always content to just have the scraps of affection that he threw out for her? She had more respect that that, didn't she? Apparently not, because she was getting out of the car and following him up to his flat.

 

He has her up against the door almost instantly and she forgets all about her worries, and instead focuses on how good he makes her feel.

 

He licks the seams of her lips, from corner to corner, suckling on the fleshy bottom lip. She closes her eyes, sagging into him as a hand disappears beneath her skirt. His hands roam up her thighs and then in between them, strategically placing two fingers inside of her and curling them. 

 

She moves her head back for a loud moan, looking at him with flushed cheeks and hooded eyes as he continues to tease her. 

 

His expression remains a little vacant and it ticks her off. 

 

She wasn't just here for herself. That had never been the case between them, so she shoves him back with both hands and struggles to regain her breathing. 

 

"B-Bedroom." 

 

His eyes are burning, as he picks her up and takes her away.

 

\--

 

They've never been much for details or labels. So when it came time to meticulously undress themselves, she felt impatient. 

 

He had actually destroyed her undergarments, and her shirt was beyond saving with the blood stains. She throws it all aside and climbed onto his neatly pressed bed. 

 

He doesn't go to undress himself any further than unbuttoning his shirt and cuffs. He drags her towards him, to the edge of the bed by her ankles and parts her thighs. 

 

Then, there is the barest of smirks. He gets on his knees and presses her up into his eager, hungry mouth.

 

She's already soaking wet - and she's sure that his essence is still dripping out of her from their last tryst in his car, but none of that seemed to matter to him as he lapped at her folds.

 

It was like he was licking her clean, and she groans hotly, hips bucking up against his mouth.

 

"So good," she hears him moan. He had barely spoke throughout their entire encounter, but he speaks now - the dark quality of his voice leaves her trembling and sobbing on his tongue. He suckles on her clit, and fits his fingers inside of her. 

 

He fits three fingers inside of her, stretching her until she's keening. "Good girl," he murmurs. "Come for me again."

 

She bites down on her lower lip, and cries out when he presses his fingers forward again, jerking up her body, jolting her from the calm. 

 

"P-Please!" She gasps, "I-I'm so close..." 

 

He licks his lips. 

 

"I know you are,” he drawls. His eyes are dark and hooded as he looks down at her. She had never seen an expression like that on his face before. It unnerves her, but only for a moment before he speaks again. “Why don't you fuck yourself on my fingers?" He asks in a voice that was creaking under the pressure of his restraint. She is momentarily stunned. He had never,  _ never _ spoken like that to her before. Her belly clenches. 

 

She couldn’t deny that she  _ liked _ it.

 

With a shaky breath, and even shakier hands, she grips his wrist with one hand, while the other squeezing down on his scalp. 

 

She was keening again, watching him lean in to roll his tongue over her clit and allow her the leverage to fuck his fingers. It's close, getting even closer until it sets her off. 

 

She cums with a vivid blush coloring her whole body. Her thighs and stomach twitching, sprays of her essence shooting out of her. She goes to clamp her hand over her mouth. 

 

"H-Ha... Haise -  _ please _ ..." 

 

His brows furrow,  for a moment she wonders what she did to set him off until she sees that he was standing up to undress, without any shame. His clothes dropped haphazardly.

 

He carries her on to his lap as he sits on the bed again, pressing his throbbing cock to her center, her mouth waters from the promise of what is to come. 

 

But she felt so tired and sensitive already.

 

Her body was still trembling - and she still felt overstimulated, but he lifts her up and her sink onto his large, aching cock so quickly that it was hard for her to adjust. She hears him groan as he sheathed himself inside and all she can do is whimper.

 

He sighs, leaning back, and running his hands up to squeeze her soft breasts.

 

"H-Haise - ," she gasps, and she notices that same frustrated expression on his face as he lifts her hips and slams her back down, almost as though she were being punished for saying that name.

 

Color bursts across her vision as she releases a stuttering sob. He's pounding into her right now - so hard that they're making his bed shake.

 

"Keep going," he encourages, "Just like that - bounce on my cock," she can hardly move her hips though, but he seemed more than content to do all of the work for the both of them.

 

She feels as though she's dead to the world - her entire body stiffening and wailing as she cums, soaking his cock again and again. It feels so good that it's painful.

 

"I - I -," she stutters, and then sobs when he turns them around, pushing up both of her legs around her shoulder as he continues.

 

He was still not done with her.

 

\--

 

When he is  _ done,  _ it is a quarter to twelve and she  _ would _ feel ashamed for everything that had happened had she not been so sated. 

 

Ken has the thinnest of smiles on his face, pleased with himself as he lights a cigarette. The smell of the smoke is enough to cause snap her from her stupor and she makes a face at him.

 

She is piled underneath his dark duvet covers, looking like she has just had the best nap of her life. The tear streaks had vanished, the redness of her skin still very apparent on her skin. She sits up slowly, keeping the blanket comfortably around her chest.

 

“I don’t know how you can smoke that stuff, it smells disgusting…” She reaches up to take it from his lips, just for the sake of trying it. Ken was so melodramatic sometimes, she had come up with theories that this was also a part of a teenage rebellion he was never able to live out. She takes a large drag from the cigarette between her lips and immediately regrets it. 

 

He sits up simply takes it back from her and continues to finish up the rest, saying nothing and handing her the bottle of water on his night stand. She glares at him, snatching it from his hand and chugging about a quarter of it after her coughing fit was over.

  
“That’s disgusting, you’re disgusting.” 

  
  
He shrugs. 

 

From here, Touka doesn’t know where to go. The digital clock reads ‘1:00AM’ and the soft rushing of the air conditioner lulls her into a sense of security. He jams the butt of the cigarette into an ashtray and throws his phone inside of his bedside drawer. It’s completely dark in the room with just the red numbers of the digital clock and she finds herself pulled into a pair of warm, sturdy arms.

 

“Sleep,” then a little more softly. “You look tired.” 

  
  
Caught off guard but unwilling to let go of the scraps of affection he sometimes throws at her. “That’s not a nice thing to say to a girl after you sleep with her.” 

 

He strokes her hair, “I’m sorry then, how about, ‘you look like you need some sleep’?” He speaks so softly that he almost sounds like himself again -- and not this stranger who had replaced him. How was it that after regaining his memories he appeared more different than ever? She had almost convinced herself that he was gone -- never to return. And then he had to say that.

  
  
She wants to cry.

 

She hates him so much. Why does he always fool her like this? She wants to beat him to a bloody pulp for confusing her again, for hurting her like this. For a moment, she forgets everything about the level headed adult she had grown into and was back to that seventeen year old lovelorn girl he had left behind. She should gather her things and leave.

 

She doesn’t.

  
She was pathetic, probably as pathetic as he is. 

  
  
If he gave her scraps of affection, she will always try to make it work. It would always be the same old song and dance, the same old story. 

 

She exhales, deeply disturbed by what she was doing with him and how okay she was with it. 

  
  
_ Get used to it, Touka. This is the hell you chose. _


	2. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She really was destined for loneliness, wasn’t she? Ayato would probably laugh at her if he could see her now.

His memories are a cage that he cannot escape from.

They constrict him -- tying him to nameless faces and empty promises and useless bonds. Once upon a time, he might’ve felt connected to these people, felt some sense of responsibility to them. Responsibility to his mother, to continue the creed that she had beat into his flesh, and to the friends that he had made. 

God, it was tiring.

Boring, he thinks as he cuts through bone and viscera in order to send a ghoul’s head flying. Their body twitches for a moment, nerves firing for only a moment before they die and he falls to the ground. He doesn’t remember it’s name - nor does he care to. Boring. 

“Well done, Sasaki-kun,” Furuta slyly says beside him. He claps his hands together, brimming with mock cheer. “I don’t even have to do any work since being paired with you!”

He can’t stand him. “Thank you,” he says with a tight smile, watching as Furuta called the others to clean up the body. The ghoul’s blood spills out, flowing freely, seeping into the concrete. Another life, snuffed out - and what did he feel? Nothing. Years ago, he might’ve cried -- or maybe seeing something like this would’ve broken him, leaving him a rambling mess. 1000 - 7 is what?

He rubs the joint of his finger, overcome with the urge to crack it.

He jumps, startled as he reaches into his pocket. His phone is vibrating, and there is a slight shudder that runs through him. There was only one person who texted him these days, after all. 

“I’m heading back now,” he tells his smiling partner, who waves to him as he walks out of the alley and towards his car.

He’s filled with something. Anticipation? Excitement? 

It didn’t matter -- anything was better than this emptiness, after all.

\--

Touka sighs, slipping her phone back in her purse and bundling her coat closer to her shivering body. It was 10:30 at night and the smarter thing to do right now was start the fifteen minute trek home by foot rather than wait for a black car to pull up and take her god knows where. 

 

But it had already been decided for her. Her mind and body conspiring against the little rationality she had left when it came to him. 

 

She was so very hungry for that attention he was giving her. When would he leave her next? She didn’t know -- she didn’t want to know either. She just wanted to be greedy and take her fill of what she could before he left her too.

She would not allow herself to live so sparsely that all she would have later on was regrets. She has learned her lesson almost four years ago. 

He parks his car right by the entrance to Re: where Touka stood under the awning to avoid the light drizzle of freezing rain. He unlocks the passenger door and she runs towards the passenger side, getting in before she changed her mind. 

She’s glad to see that there were no briefcases on sight and his black coat had also been done away with. He was dressed in his pressed shirt, tie and slacks. Even though she can still smell the metallic stench of blood, at least this way, she can pretend he was just working a regular job that had nothing to do with killing her kind indiscriminately.

\--

They never have real conversations. 

She asks him about his day and he answers in clipped single word responses. She takes his silences for questions themselves and tells him about her day anyway. He was still Kaneki and Kaneki always cared about what happened in her day. 

Their conversation dies after that though and Touka isn’t in a very talkative mood today to begin with. She just wants to fall in his bed and sleep. 

Luckily, he seems to have the same idea as he tugs her towards him once he deems that they’ve spoken more than enough. Her belly trembles from the look in his eyes -- dark and intent, full of promise. “R-Rough day?” Touka asks when he rips open her button down shirt, sending buttons flying all over the room. He’s never gentle. Not like sweet Haise had been. While he still goes by that name, he couldn’t be more different. He didn’t joke anymore, and while sex with Haise had been gentle and fun, there is certainly nothing gentle about the reaper. He takes what he wants.

And Touka loves it. 

He doesn’t answer with words, instead, his mouth finds her nipples, after pushing her bra up over her chest, exposing her breasts to him. He sucks, and rubs at them, alternating until they had stiffened into hard peaks. She gasps, fingers threshing through his hair. Ah, it must’ve been a hard day. He isn’t letting up at all -- as he teases her until they’re red and throbbing from the onslaught. It’s only when she’s trembling, thighs rubbing together from effort that he stops, pressing hot, wet kisses along her stomach before bringing her thighs around his shoulders. She had worn a skirt today, just for this.

 

Haise -- no, Ken is impatient as he pushes the crotch of her panties to the side, opening his mouth around her entire sex as he sucks.

Her hips raise -- “H-Haise --”

She is cut off as his lips mouth at her clit roughly, just like she needs. God, she’s wet. She can hear him lapping away at her, can hear the moment that he pushes two fingers inside of her to instantly find her sweet spot. It had embarrassed her at first -- but the sounds only seem to encourage him, and he fits another finger inside of her, trying to coax even more wetness out of her. 

 

“H-Hai--” She can’t even speak when he gets like this. But there were no complaints either, she loves anything he gives her, anything at all. His grey eyes peer over at her, as he sits up and watches her carefully, fingers pumping inside of her in a steady pace. Deep but not fast enough to sate the burn that it was building. 

She was more than a little frustrated. 

He was such a damn tease. 

“What do you want?” He coos softly. “Do you want to come?” 

She glares, a moan escaping her throat in agony. His fingers were curling so softly that only her inner walls felt it, making her toes curl from the pleasure that it promised. 

“Tell me,” He prods, a sadistic smirk lighting up his face. “Tell me what you want.”

She won’t! He was such a bastard. Only willing to talk when she would have to suffer for it. But her body was absolutely swollen with need, she needs him to bring her over the edge. He slips back down to flick her clit with his tongue, eyes trained on her. 

“Tell me,” He mumbles, lips pursing over her clit as he suckles on it. “Do you want to cum on my fingers? Or my mouth or my cock?”

She can’t answer that, or at least, she refuses to until he begins scissoring his fingers within her, stretching her out all nice and slow until her entire body convulses, incredibly close when he removes them abruptly, leaving her body completely on edge. She whimpers as that incredible feeling dissolved to a dull throb that has her incredibly frustrated. Touka moans, “W-What?”

“You know what you need to do,” he says, voice filled with cruel amusement as he pushes inside of again, once she had calmed enough bringing her right to that edge again before stopping. It was absolutely maddening. “H-Haise -- what -- the -- aah -- hell!” She is hissing, trying to rut her hips with his fingers still inside in order to find that release, but he squeezes her hips, hard.

She can’t move.

Then, those fucking fingers are moving again, finding the swollen swell inside of her, rubbing it until she is practically babbling before stopping again. God, he is going to kill her. She is really going to die. She is absolutely dripping, drenching his hand and wrist in her arousal, from the intensity of her head. 

And he was fucking teasing her.

“S-Stop!” She whines. Ken’s lips twitch. It’s the first time she’s seen him smile since he was Haise, and there is nothing but cruelty within it. “I told you already. What do you need to say?”

God, he was a bastard. She wants to slap him, throw him out of the fucking window --

“Y-Your cock,” she whispers desperately. “I want to come on your cock.”

Pride be damned. 

His smile widens, “Is that so?” He murmurs, removing his fingers once more, making her whine from the loss. He grips himself through his slacks before unbuttoning them, just enough to ease his cock out of the fly. It’s hard, bobbing and red. She finds herself almost hungry as she looks at it. He kneels between her legs, spreading them wide to accommodate him, and gently hits the head of his cock against her clit.

“This is what you want?”

She is too aroused to be angry at him, her whole body trembles every time he slides his slick girth over her folds. 

“That’s really good, right?” He shifts his hips. “Do you want me to put it in?” 

She grits her teeth. “Y-Yes…! Just -- stop teasing me already!” 

“But it’s so fun,” He exhales with a chuckle, “You look so cute when I drag you to the fringes of your sanity.” He grips his shaft and lightly presses it down on her clit, loving the way she just seemed to get even wetter. Filthy, filthy girl -- he was practically drenched. 

He wouldn’t even need to prepare her any further. He would just slide right in. 

Dramatically heaving another sigh, he relents, finally. 

“I suppose I can give you what you want.” Fucking bastard, Touka thinks, pretending like he wasn’t going to enjoy it himself.

But all thoughts die when he does, sliding his girth until the very tip bottoms out inside of her. She chokes out gasping breaths as he tries to break through that very resistance and slam against a swollen part of her that she never thought anyone could reach. 

“A-Aaaah~” Her hands strike out, nails digging into his arms and drag down leaving red welts as he pulls out to repeat the whole process again. 

She was screaming.

“You really like that, huh?” He pants, hips picking up the pace, he rearranges her legs, until they were over his shoulders and he had her hands clenched around his as he fucks her to oblivion. Like this, he wasn’t walking away again. Like this, he was here -- with her.

It was so satisfying.

\--

Things are quiet as they finish -- after the lust has faded, and she lies on her side, feeling his warm seed running down her thighs. It never does feel quite as good in the aftermath; just a reminder of how far she had fallen. Having sex with a man who didn’t remember her -- or didn’t want to remember her. A man who would leave as soon as his self-destructive tendencies outweighed his desire for her.

Her lips quirk upward bitterly. 

She really was destined for loneliness, wasn’t she? Ayato would probably laugh at her if he could see her now. 

\--

Clank!

“Manager!” She hears Nishiki say, as she looks at the pile of broken glass that surrounded her. Touka blinks. One second she had been moving plates into the cabinet, and the next, a wave of nausea had hit her and caused her to wobble, and her grip on the plates loosened. “You okay? What’s with the sudden klutziness?” He asks as he bends down to begin sweeping the broken glass away before anyone could step on it. 

“Shut up, Shitty Nishiki,” she grumbles, rubbing her temples. These dizzy spells had been coming and going more and more, these days. It was strange, but she had dismissed them before. Maybe she’s sick? But, it was concerning how they are increasing in frequency. It wasn’t like she could just go to a doctor to get it checked out, either.

“This is the second time this week,” Nishiki says, eyes narrowing. He had a keen eyes, and it was like the wheels in his head were already turning, as though he were considering something. Trying to diagnose her. Maybe it was the medical student still within him.

“So?” Touka asks, annoyed. “It’s probably a virus,” she had been throwing up a lot too. 

“Hmm,” the glasses wearing ass says, “Whatever you say.”

\--

The sickness doesn’t go away. If anything, it only gets worse until she is spending most of her time clutching the toilet in her apartment when she isn’t working or with Kaneki. Even her period had stopped. It was really getting ridiculous --

Her eyes widen.

Her period.

There was… How could she be so stupid?

She clutches her head in her hands and breathes deeply. There wasn’t any way right -- ? Kaneki was a half ghoul, his body was human, there was no way that her body would host a child that belonged to a human father. 

At least that’s what she’s always known about the whole deal. People weren’t going around having half breed children all the time. The circumstances were always so rare. 

She winces, curses, keeps the sadness and panicked tears at bay. She didn’t know it for sure (but what else could it even be? Ghouls don’t get sick like humans do), she goes to the convenience store with a self checkout machine and buys herself a pregnancy test. 

\--

Two minutes. 

That’s what the box said. 

Dip the magic stick in your urine for two minutes and watch your fate get sealed. So naturally, that’s what she did and the results were unsurprising. 

Double lines, pink and a smiley face next to it. Pregnant. So that’s what it was going to be, huh? 

She slumps in her chair, elbows rest on her thighs as she runs her washed hands down her face in search of some comfort. There were so many questions roaming around her head that she didn’t know which to ask first. Or even how to organize it. 

Should she call Kaneki and tell him? Or should she tell the staff at Re: first? Should she keep this child? Would this child...even live? 

It was making her nauseous again. 

\--

She decides to keep the news to herself. Quietly, she takes a note paper and calculates the day of conception. It was exactly 3 weeks ago given the calculations, her mind couldn’t even think up what had happened, which encounter it was or what to think about any of this. 

She wants to sleep. So that’s what she does. 

\--

Where are you? Comes a text sometime into the night. 

He must have just gotten to his home. She wasn’t always there at this time, they had never agreed on setting up some meeting together, had they? She felt confused. 

I’m coming to pick you up. Of course he was. She sighs, sliding her phone open and giving him a call. 

\--

“I’m not feeling that good today,” She mumbles into the speaker, “I’m just going to get some rest.”

There’s a beat of silence that seems to stretch on forever before he says, “Couldn’t you rest here?” She’s unable to hold back an amused snort. Rest. When did she ever rest when she was with him? It was impossible when they were both using each other selfishly. “I’d rather stay in,” she says. There’s more silence and then he hangs up without another word. 

That stung.

She was under no illusions about their relationship was -- but knowing that he didn’t even care enough to ask her what was wrong makes bitterness swell within her. Was the man she had fallen in love with years ago even still in there? Sometimes, she thought she could still see glimpses of him. Like when he’d smile softly while reading one of his favorite books after sex. And now, the illusion was broken.

Who cares? 

She tosses her phone, and tries to distract herself, turning on television. It does nothing to quell the sick feeling building inside of her. Pain, fear, and uncertainty swirls, and she feels almost engulfed by it until there was a loud bang on her door.

Touka nearly jumps out of her skin. Who in the hell was that?

“Kirishima,” Kaneki’s voice answers her internal question from behind the door. “Open up.”

She stares dumbly as the banging starts louder, and she stands up with a start, going to the door before he could break it down.

Her heart is fluttering, and she feels like an idiot. This was nothing to get excited for. She rubs her chest. God, I really am crazy. 

“W-Why are you here?” She asks, looking through the peephole to confirm that it was really him. 

“Because I want to be,” he says. “We can just stay here tonight, can’t we?”

Stay here?

“I want to be alone,” she responds, a little taken aback by his nerve, even if her stomach felt as though it were filled with butterflies. Kaneki bangs on the door again, and she swears before hoping the door. He was going to alert all of the neighbors. The last thing she needs to deal with is the police.

He kisses her the moment that he makes it through the door.

She loves it, almost sagging against him and his hard kiss before reason takes over. 

No, she was trying to avoid this. This was the reason she didn’t want to see him tonight, because this was what transpired every night between them when they saw each other. The very consequences of which she had to deal with right now. 

Her stomach lurches in agony and she moves her head to the side, lips popping apart as he kisses the side of her lips and bites along her jaw. 

“Why?” He asks in a throaty voice, “I want you.” 

It almost makes her jump back in agree, she smiles bitterly and thinks about how pathetic she’s gotten. 

“N-No, I don’t feel well, I want to rest.” Finally, she was able to detach herself from him, walking further into the apartment in hopes of getting away from him. 

Too bad that doesn’t happen, with the vice grip he has around her wrist. Throwing up practically everything from the last time she ate, made her very weak. Struggling against him was the best she could do, aside from muttering about letting her go. 

“Just go home!” She yells, calming herself quickly and in a more level voice she tries again. “I’ll call you when I’m feeling better.” 

“We don’t have to do anything,” He says with the same dead look in his eyes. 

Now you know that’s not true, she thinks with a twitch to her eyes. “No, that’s fine, but I really just want to be alone.” She tries pushing him out of her apartment, as politely as she could. His presence alone was making her antsy like all hell. 

“H-Haise, please--” 

“Just give me a moment, I already told you we don’t have to do anything.” 

“It’s not about that! I want to be alone!” He was doing this on purpose. “Haise!” 

Slap!

She gasps, covering her face.

She hadn’t meant to hit him, but she forces herself to lower her hands, hoping that he finally got the message. From the stricken look on his face, she can tell that he has. “I said no,” she repeats, more firmly.

“I see,” he says, voice colder than she had ever heard it. “Then enjoy your night,” and with that, he was gone. He even slams the door closed. She would think it was childish if she didn’t feel so empty.

Her legs give out the moment that the door is closed. Eyes blurring from the onslaught of tears, her arms unconsciously curling around her belly. 

Just what in the hell was she supposed to do?


	3. Bloom Me

Touka takes several days off from working at Re:, citing to Yomo that she wanted to take some time to relax and use that vacation fund she had been saving up to pamper herself. In reality, she had no plans, she secretly snuck in a few pounds of decaf coffee and locked herself in her room to sleep away the numerous emotions she was feeling inside.

 

He has not reached out to her, not even with a simple text. Not that he should -- she had made her feelings clear, no matter how much it hurt and if anything, she should be happy, glad that he was heeding her warnings and staying away from her.

 

But -- her heart is in pieces.

 

She had engaged in those trysts because of her inability to let go of the past, a product of her own hypocrisy, when she had promised herself that she would stay away from him and let him live the good life he deserved.

 

In the end, she was just a hypocrite.

 

God, she wanted to call him. She stares at his contact information on her phone, her finger hovering over the call button. She almost presses it numerous times. Frustrated, she places her phone back onto the dresser and sits herself up on her bed, raking her fingers through her messy hair.

 

She can’t live like this, it had been a week. Re: was getting busier with the colder weather, Yomo was starting to get concerned, just how long did she think she would be able to hide this from him? She already had a feeling that Nishiki knew and that was bad enough.

 

Touka is absolutely drained. She had to be about a month along and the child inside of her was already sucking out most of her strength. She had a lot of trouble walking for long periods of time these days, and any kind of food made her feel sick to her stomach, even though she craved it.  
  
Maybe she needed human food?  
  
The very idea makes her somewhat nauseous. God, she didn’t want any of that disgusting shit, but the baby inside of her seems to be crying out for it. Maybe what she was eating wasn’t enough nutrients? Sighing, she grudgingly sends Nishiki a text. _Oi, shit head_ , it reads. Luckily, it doesn’t take him all that long to respond.  
_  
_ _What do you want, harpy?_

 

 _I need human food,_ she writes. _Please don’t ask me why._

 

She’s lucky in that he doesn’t. There’s a pause in the text messages before he responds to her replying that he would drop it off after his shift ended. Touka sighs in relief. He may be an arrogant shit head, but Nishiki had always come through in the end.

 

Her stomach gurgles painfully, and she clutches it, curling on her bed in pain. “Be patient,” she says, rubbing it and winces. “I’ll get you some food soon, I promise.”

 

\--

 

Nishiki shows up to her apartment two hours later, holding a two burgers and french fries. Her mouth curls as she sees it, and takes it from him with a deep sigh. He lets himself in, much to her annoyance.

 

“You can go home now,” she complains.

  
“Why would I do that when my manager looks like such shit?” He asks, then his tone and eyes soften. “You could barely make it to the door when I came. Are you alright?”

  
  
“Fine,” she lies, before taking a seat. “I’m -- just fine. You don’t need to worry, okay?”

  
  
“Let me ease my own conscious, then,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. He had such a gruff way of speaking, even though he cared. She smiles. He would have made a good older brother. Then again, he already was in a way, wasn’t he?

  
  
Neither of them expect the doorbell to ring.

 

She puts the styrofoam container down on her dining table and opens the door to see Ken standing there, coat on his arm and eyes narrowing when he sees Nishiki sitting on her couch like he was way too comfortable there.

“What are you doing here?” She exclaims, shoving him out and trying to close the door behind her. She did not want to deal with him when she was feeling this sick. Especially not when seeing him made her so unpredictable.

 

His lips pull up in a cold smile. “Ah, I see, so that’s why you’ve been so distant. Found someone else?” He reaches behind her to turn the knob and let himself in. She follows him in, in horror.

 

“W-Wait --”

  
  
“Nishiki-senpai,” Ken greets smoothly, “I wonder what Kimi-san would be thinking if she knew you were here with Touka after abandoning her.”

 

Nishiki looks like he wants to laugh hysterically. So Kaneki finally grew a backbone and it was all over the harpy. Because he thought she was fucking around with him.

  
  
How disgusting.

 

Nishiki almost doubles over in laughter. “What!?!” He guffaws. “You think that I’m fucking Touka?” Touka also has to hold back snorts at the absurdity of it all. Kaneki was in her apartment -- fighting with Nishiki over her. What in the hell was happening? Had she fallen into some strange drama show? Were there camera hidden in her apartment?

 

“Isn’t that what this is?” Ken asks, voice brimming with anger. She had never seen him sound so affected before. Usually he was picture of perfect calm and indifference. “I never would have expected something like this from the two of you --” He was advancing upon Nishiki, who stood his ground and glared at him.

  
  
“Can you stop jumping to conclusions for five seconds?” Touka demands, shoving him away.

  
  
Ken moves her to the side as though she hadn’t done anything, and stands in front of Nishiki. He was the same height as the man now and they both glare at each other. “Am I?” Ken asks quietly.

  
  
“Am I really jumping to conclusions, Nishiki-senpai?”

  
  
“You are,” Nishiki grits out, “But even if you weren’t. Does the king of fakes really have any right over her life? You’re the one who remembered and refused to come back, _Investigator.”_

 

Touka sees Ken swing -- and is still sluggish from the baby and can’t intercept the blow. Nishiki crashes into her coffee table.

 

“You fucking --”

  
  
“Stop it!” Touka screams. “You assholes are not going to fight in my goddamn apartment!” She grabs Ken by the collar. “Are you out of your fucking minds?!”

 

She feels so sick, hardly able to hold herself up. “What the hell’s the matter with you?!”He’s seething, gripping her wrists and pulling her off. Nishiki stands up, looking ready to lunge on him but Touka stops that with a weak splay of her fingers on his chest.

  
  
“Stop it,” Her eyes flicker back to Ken’s. “Can we talk, because I have to tell you something important.”

  
  
Nishiki looks ready to murder him and Ken doesn’t back down until Touka places her hands on his chest, “Please.”

  
  
“Nishiki, go home, I’ll talk to you later.” She stares at him until she wears him down. He slips his shoes back on and slams the door in his exit.

  
  
Once they’re alone, she turns to Ken with an angry look. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She couldn’t believe that he would show up to her apartment to fight Nishiki of all people. “You could have called me --”

  
  
“You told me to leave,” He answers sharply. “It was obvious that you didn’t want me here, I just came to check up on you because you weren’t at Re.”

  
  
So he had been checking on her. He was keeping tabs on her.

  
  
“I acted rashly,” She admits, “I shouldn’t have hit you -- I was overwhelmed I haven’t been feeling well recently.”

 

He walks over to her dining table, lifting the cover of the takeaway container and confusedly looking over at her when he sees the food.

 

Why in the world would she have that?

  
  
Touka looks uncharacteristically anxious as she squeezes her hands together, breathing in a deep sigh.

 

Where did she even begin? She never thought that she would be in a situation like this. First, she had never imagined that she’d ever get pregnant. Hell, she hadn’t even thought that she would live as long as she had. She had no kind of road map for what a relationship looked like, but she wasn’t naive enough to think that her dynamic with Kaneki resembled anything close.

 

How had her mother told her father about her pregnancy?

 

“Kirishima?” Ken asks and she’s startled from her thoughts. Then, she sees him holding the burger in his gloved hands. “Why do you have this?”

 

“I’m getting to that,” she mutters, bordering on the edge of panic. “I -- I need to tell you something,” her mouth suddenly feels rather dry. She had never been prone to much anxiety, but somehow, it feels as though the walls are beginning to close in on her as she looks at him.

 

He looks concerned, but it brings her no comfort.

  
  
Could she really -- bring a child into this?

 

She didn’t have the strength to say no to him, at least not for long, and he had no interest in making anything permanent between them. There wasn’t love between them. Or if it was, it was just a twisted, gnarled version of it. “What is it?”

 

Touka sits, grateful that her couch hadn’t been ruined in Ken and Nishiki’s dispute. She didn’t think she’d be able to stand for this. She can’t even meet his eyes.

 

“I --,” she licks her lips. He’s looking at her expectantly now.

 

“I was scared,” she finds herself saying, “What we have -- it’s not -- it doesn’t feel real.”

 

_What am I saying?!_

 

“I want something more,” Touka admits, “I don’t want -- just this -- just using each other like we have been.”

 

_Why am I saying this?_

 

Kens brow furls, “We haven’t been using each other.”

 

“Don’t play dumb, Sasaki-san,” she retorts, bitter. She sees him flinch from the use of that name, but she refused to call him Kaneki when he insisted on keeping up with this charade. This isn’t what she had meant to tell him, but she can’t even imagine what his reaction would be to a child. It was better if he didn’t know, right? He was a mess. An absolute mess, and there was no way that she could trust him with this secret in good conscious.

  
  
At least not yet.

  
  
His body is stiff, as though filled with tension -- or was it anger? It was difficult to tell with him these days.

 

“Why does what we have need to be complicated?” He asks and really, she wants to laugh. Of course. She was nothing but a complication to him. _I can’t tell him_.

 

But she doesn’t laugh even though it feels as though the life was sapped out of her from his answer and reaching the epiphany that she had. There was just no way she could tell him the other half of the truth.

 

“It’s not complicated to me,” She answers. “We want different things -- and that’s fine. I’d rather not be a part of something that I don’t see a future in.”

 

The words are bitter as they leave her lips because that was definitely not the case. A future -- god, who even knew about that? She didn’t even know what day some dove manages to crack down on her identity and hunt her down to Re:.

 

A baby, who even knew if it would live.

 

And although she wanted there to be a future possible, for all three of them, Touka knew that it was far more complicated than her childish desires.

 

Kaneki is silent, watching her closely as if to find what she was trying to hide. When he looks down at the styrofoam container he realizes that she had not answered the question at all.

  
  
“As for the food -- I don’t know, I was walking by some deli and it looked good. So I bought it, Nishiki and I dare each other to eat human food sometimes.”

 

Another lie, but it wasn’t like he knew.

 

Touka sighs, deeply, releasing all the energy inside of her out with one exhale. “I think that, maybe, we should keep some space between us.” It was the only way she could keep some of her heart left in tact. But as usual, he is very resistant to the idea. Looking at her with the same stubborn glint -- like a menacing child, bent on getting what he wanted.

 

“We can be more, if that’s what you want --”

  
  
“It’s not just about me,” She snaps. “It can’t -- always be about me. A relationship isn’t just about one person. If you can’t commit to it, it’s fine. We want different things and that’s okay. But I can’t keep telling myself that I’m just okay with whatever this is.”

 

Especially with this child.

 

He looks stumped, eyes lingering on her carpet, “Then what do you want me to say?”

 

“Nothing.” She answers, “I don’t need you to say anything. I just think we need to go our own ways.”

 

\--

 

The moment that Ken gets back to his apartment and through his front door, he only manages to lock it before kicking the coffee table across the room. Listening to it break apart with a clatter is satisfying, but not enough to put his mind to ease.

 

His head bounds, teeth digging into the cigarette loosely hanging from his lips as he recalls her last words to him.

 

How could she say that so casually?! How could she tell him -- tell him -- that they should end things, when he had just gotten her back?

 

He was even willing to give the relationship a try-- Why couldn't she just understand?

 

He knocks one of the shelves down and kicks the compartments off of its hinges.

 

By now the maintenance desk downstairs had probably called the police from all of the noise that he was making. Not that he cared. He would almost welcome the opportunity for a fight right now.

 

By the time that he’s finally calmed, his flat is entirely trashed.

 

It didn’t matter. None of this would matter in a few more months. Not even her.

 

\--

 

So that was that.

 

Her fight with Ken  had been almost two weeks ago and in that time, he had not tried to reach out to her. Giving her the promised space that she wanted, to salvage pieces of herself and figure out what she wanted to do.

 

The baby -- was very complicated to deal with. There were no ghoul doctors and it seemed no matter what she ate, whether it was meat or human food, she would just throw it all back up again. Her health was getting worrying, so much so, that Nishiki corners her into the break room with a serious downturn of his lips.

 

“It’s killing you, you look like a walking skeleton.”

 

Her brows furl, lips snarling back to fire back some devastating insult but he wasn’t finished yet.

 

“Why the hell are you trying to keep this kid?” He asks. “I thought you wanted to try and keep him out of your life.”

 

“It’s none of your business,” she hisses, curling her hand around her belly protectively. God, it was like everyone was against her these days. Even Nishiki wanted her to get rid of this child. Nishiki raises an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms, “Not my business?” He demands.

 

“I thought that everyone at re: was a team,” he reminds her. “Or did you forget that the moment that he walked back into your life?”

  
  
That stung.

 

When she had first created re: she had wanted to continue anteiku’s legacy -- to create a place where ghouls could support one another, where she could help weaker ghouls, like the old man had. She had also wanted to create a place where he could return to, if he was still alive. Nishiki had returned to help with both of those goals, and they had become close friends along the way. Was he really accusing her of turning her back on all of that?

 

Her breath hitches, as she feels hot rage begin to fill her up. How dare he? “What do you know about it?”

  
  
“I know that you’d let yourself be killed for his child,” Nishiki says firmly, “Just like you’d let him keep taking pieces of you if it means that he’d throw you even a scrap of affection. When are you going to stop doing this? Do you think that no one cares about you?”

 

It feels like the wind had been knocked out of her.

  
  
Somehow, this conversation reminded her of another one -- one that felt like a lifetime ago as she struggled to keep Ken from throwing his life away, to make sense of what had become of him. She finds herself smiling bitterly. Perhaps they both weren’t so different, after all. That was the most painful thing to admit of all.

 

Nishiki was absolutely right.

 

“I -- I don’t want to hear this right now --”

 

“Then when do you want to hear it?” He demands, “I thought that I was being a good friend by minding my own business,” he says, “Maybe I’m a bigger moron than both of you for that.”

 

His mouth presses into a thin line, eyes hardening. “I’m telling Yomo-san about this.”

 

His words plunge her into ice. “No--”

 

“How long are you planning on hiding any of this from him, anyway?” His voice is beginning to raise, before he stops himself. “We’re all a team,” he says again, quieter this time. “We want to help you -- but you have to let us, Touka.”

 

Touka. He hardly ever called her that these days.

 

Her heart aches.

 

Then he sighs, “I won’t say anything, but I will if this gets worse.”

 

She can’t speak, only nodding as she watches his retreating figure. Her grip around her belly tightens. It was strange. The life that had taken root inside of her suddenly felt so important, even at the detriment of herself and everyone else around her? They were her family, and that was undeniable -- but this child. She already feels an incredibly attachment to it. She couldn’t just give up.

 

Even if she seemed to get weaker and weaker with each passing day.

 

\--

 

Every day was a battle of wills between her and her unborn child. She would wake up in the morning and try to eat something to sate the growling in her belly, making sure that at least some nutrients were making through to them.

 

But the price was throwing it all back up a couple of hours later.

 

The headaches were getting worse too -- there were days she couldn’t even concentrate on a customer’s order and she would need to make it to the couch in the back room to burrow into.

 

What made it incredibly difficult was the fact that Nishiki seemed to be around every day, giving her the look that said he was observing her. She had to make sure she was at her most normal around him, or at least as she had been the time he confronted her.

 

Her belly expands, needing her to wear loose slacks and baggier cardigans to hide it.

 

She was running in so many directions that one day, she realizes that she had given herself away when Yomo asks to speak to her privately.

 

She thinks it was about the sales for the month, maybe even about hiring a fourth hand to help out --

 

“How long?” Instead is all he asks, looking at her midsection.

 

Her throat feels bitter like bile had risen up like it did every morning. Had Nishiki told him?

 

She licks her lips, mind racing to come up with some kind of excuse but Yomo only holds up a hand as if to say that he wasn’t done talking.

 

“I don’t know who else knew about this, but I would expect that, you would have come to me for help at least once.”

 

He looks so disappointed. Normally that would have made her angry but now all it does it make her eyes sting.

 

Had she made such a big of a mistake? Of wanting to keep her child?

 

She swallows uncomfortably, steeling her eyes. “Nishiki told you.”

 

Yomo shakes his head after a moment’s pause. “Did you two really think I was some kind of idiot that wouldn’t figure it out?”

 

“That’s not --”

 

“You must have,” Yomo says, sounding resigned. “Or you just didn’t trust me.”

 

She can feel her chest begin to constrict. No -- that wasn’t it at all. She had been afraid. What if he also told her to get rid of the child? She didn’t want that, she didn’t want that at all. When he stares at her in that way, it’s as if he’s seen some kind of ghost. He’s pale, hands balled into fists and body tight with what must have been anger or fear.

 

“Yomo-san, that’s not it,” she tries.

 

“It is,” he says, sounding tired now. “You always were too much like your mother.”

 

What?

  
  
She’s bewildered -- wondering what her mother had to do with any of this. How would he have even known her mother? Yomo, doesn’t give her the opportunity to voice any of these questions, however, as he goes back into the front of the shop, leaving her alone.

 

Why did it seem as though everyone was so quick to give up on her? She sinks down to her knees, trying to control her breathing even though panic had seized her. Her heart is racing, eyes darting around as she struggles and gasps for air.

 

Everyone had expectations -- they always had. She was meant to be the girl who held it all together. If she was too angry, then she was a sad person consumed by revenge, and if she was too passive, then she would blink and everything -- everyone would be gone. People even left now when she disappointed them. What was she even supposed to do? She didn’t want to live while losing things.

 

 _I don’t want to lose anything else!_ She thinks defiantly.

 

It wasn’t fair. It was enough. She had had enough.

 

\--

 

She’s not sure why her feet are leading her to Ken’s flat. It’s a terrible idea, and she knows that. She had ended things with him for that same reason.

 

She’s been here so many times that it was easy to take the elevator right up with a bow to the door man. She’s always been distracted when they came back together, preoccupied by some kind of game they were about to play with each other. But it was as if her body had retained the memories of what floor to get off and which door was his.

 

When he doesn’t respond after the fifth ring, her heart sinks.

 

_He’s not home. You’ve been forgotten again or maybe you weren’t that important to begin with._

 

Her mind was cruel to her even as her eyes begin to sting, the incidents of the last few months catching up to her all in one go as she thinks of what to do now.

 

She couldn’t fault him for not being here. It was she who had asked that he leave in the first place. She, who didn’t do the sensible thing in the beginning and she, who decided on keeping her child, despite the pains they were giving her.

 

Life was never certain, but she could not bear to lose something that she had for herself.

 

It didn’t matter if she was alone. It would just be her baby and she would love it just fine by herself.

 

She begins to turn away, walking back to the elevator when the door suddenly flies open and a very disheveled and tired Kaneki stares at her with bleary eyes. His glasses were missing, eyes red and clothes mussed.

 

He had been sleeping.

For a moment all she could do is stare, tears silently rolling down her cheeks as she tries to keep her jaws clamped shut from whimpering in relief.

 

_I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t leave me alone._

 

“Kirishima--”

 

She collapses in his arms, face buried in his chest and arms wrapping around his body tightly. She inhales, the comforting scent of his. His woodsy cologne, the scent of smoke and metal all intermingling with a strange overlay of blood. Unconsciously, his arms go around her, squeezing her protectively to himself as he manages to shut the door and heft her over to his bed.

 

\--

 

She couldn’t hide this from him anymore. She didn’t care what the consequences were or even what the hell they were supposed to do. She needs to know if she really was alone in wanting this child.

 

Laying back on his pillows, she begins to unbutton her cardigan, sliding it further to her sides and lifting the hem of her shirt so he can just about see the slight roundedness of her belly.

 

She takes his hand with an uncomfortable swallow and places it on the curve that shivered underneath his touch.

  
  
“That day, when you came over and you saw the food -- it was for --”

 

She doesn’t need to finish her sentence before he retracts his hand from belly, as if the slight contact burned.

 

 _Of course_ , she thinks.

 

She really was alone.

 

Or so she thinks, until she feels his arms envelope her in a tight embrace. She flinches, eyes growing wide as she feels him kiss her forehead. “It’s okay,” he reassures. “It’s going to be okay.” Her vision is beginning to blur.

 

She hadn’t expected a reaction like this from him at all.

 

“You don’t mind?” She asks, watching in awe as he palms her stomach, smoothing it down alongside her slightly bulging belly. “You really don’t mind?” It’s almost too good to be true, and his reaction also doesn’t fit with everything that she knows about him. She had expected him to throw her out, to try to ignore that it was happening. He didn’t want seem like the type to want a family. Maybe before, but not now.

 

Not when he was poised for self-destruction.

 

“I don’t,” Ken reassures, capturing her lips once more -- and Touka loses all reason.

 

All of those weeks of anxiety, of fear, and of anguish pours out of her as she begins to tear at his clothes. He was only in his signature black shirt and pinstripe pants, and she rips the shirt open, sending buttons flying everywhere as she pushes it down his shoulders and off of his body. It was nice to have someone who didn’t scold her for her decisions. It was strange that it was Ken in this case, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

She wouldn’t think about it. She wouldn’t think about _anything._

 

He pushes her down onto the bed, and bends down to kiss her bulging belly, right at the navel before he kisses lower. He unbuttons her shorts, pushing them down her hips and off of her body before also doing the same to the tights that she wore. He didn’t rip them like he normally did. In fact, he was touching her with far more gentleness than he usually did. Was he taking the baby into account?

 

Her breath hitches, especially when spreads her legs, bringing his mouth down to her cunt. He licks along the crotch of her panties, sighing, as though savoring the taste of her before he taps her hip, a cue for her to raise them so that he can also ease her panties off of her.

 

And then -- he is devouring her.

 

It’s different than usual, somehow, even better than their previous bouts of sex. He goes slowly, licking along her slit in slow, deep flicks of his tongue, before directing his tongue to her clit. Her hips raise up, and she gasps when his lips close around her clit. He alternates between sucking and licking the swollen ball of nerves, and she is twisting and turning as the pleasure mounts.

 

This time, she doesn’t use the wrong name.

  
  
“Kaneki,” she rasps -- it slips out as her fingers thresh through that all too familiar black hair. Now, it doesn’t seem mocking.

  
  
She sees him freeze, his grey eyes flicking up to hers, and there’s an insurmountable emotion there as he returns back to his task. When he moans her name, it’s not Kirishima that she hears, but _Touka_ \- _chan_ , and she falls apart.

 

Her eyes flicker open as he comes back up, licking his lips and watching her with hungry eyes.

 

It was like he was realizing a bunch of things at the same time. That he had been playing a fool’s game before, thinking he could keep away from her and that she wouldn’t realize that he had come to terms with himself. It was always hard for them to ignore each other, no matter the circumstances and this time was no different.

 

He can't take not being one with her. He would do whatever it takes to keep her with him and just like that, he has had enough of this foreplay.

 

She moves her lips to respond his kiss as undoes the zip of his slacks and with her assistance, brings them down his hips. He moves away only for a moment to shake off his slacks and briefs.

 

She watches with soft eyes as he comes back to her, cupping her face and kissing the corners of her lips.

 

She grips the length of his cock and strokes him deliberately until she feels his precum moisten her hands. She wants to taste him but he doesn't budge.

 

“Later,” he inhales sharply, “it's been far too long.”

 

She agree with that sentiment. She wanted to feel him fill her up, sate the burning in her belly and the loneliness in her heart. Only he seemed to manage to do both, no matter how much she's tried to put herself off of him throughout the years.

 

He adjusts his hips, lining himself up and thrusting in with one hard thrust that has her gasping sharply and twisting her fingers into his shoulders. He watches her from above, kissing her face and burying his nose in the crook her neck as he pulls out and thrusts back in.

 

Her arms wrap around him lazily as he moves his hips slowly, with meaning to tease and still go so deep that her jaw slacks, nose scrunches up and eyes water.

 

It’s so good that she’s left panting, whining from the depth of the deep, slow strokes of his cock. He’s pushing deep and it’s difficult to remember to breath, even when the pace that he’s setting isn’t all that fast. Somehow, this was worse, more intense, especially when she _needs_ him to go faster, even if he’s fucking her just as hard as she needs him to.

 

She kisses his mouth, “Faster,” she tries to encourage, but he ignores her, lifts up her legs and grinds his hips with their pelvises pressed together. It’s not fast, but the action does make her shudder and cry out his name again.

 

_“Kaneki--”_

 

“Again,” Ken whispers, drawing back from her mouth, so that he can see her expression. Her flexibility allows him to lean down, pushing her legs up against her chest so that he can close the distance between each other. He uses his free hand to grip her chin, “Say my name again,” and she does.

 

It’s only then, that his restraint seems to break.

 

His thrusts are powerful and deep, sending waves of bliss that reverberate throughout every nerve in her body. She doesn’t need to hold back her moans, now and she drags her nails down his back before settling her hands on his ass, trying to urge him in deeper.

 

She doesn’t want to let him go.

 

Her mouth finds his again as she comes, locking her legs around his hips as she loses all sense of herself. Her body trembles, nails digging into his skin hard enough to draw blood, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he watches her expression.

 

So beautiful.

 

And then, she hears him gasps, slamming inside of her harder, deeper and then she feels warmth inside of her as he finishes right behind her.

 

This has been -- different. This time, he doesn’t draw away from her. He doesn’t even pull out, as he rests his head against her chest, trying to remain mindful of her belly, but it wasn’t big enough that his weight was too much of a problem yet. She holds him close and runs her fingers through her hair.

 

This felt like -- before.

 

It almost feels as though he’s his old self again.

 

And then, “You’re all mine now,” she hears him whisper, and his hand run down to rub at her belly. He wraps his arm around it possessively, kissing her shoulder. “You can’t leave me.” He’s smiling, as though he were at peace.

 

 _Oh,_ she thinks, growing cold.

 

_So that’s why you were happy._


	4. Is this Heaven or Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The already tense mood is soured even more. She almost wants to kick herself for bringing it up, but it was necessary; one of them had to face reality sooner or later. All she was doing was running from her problems, and it seemed as though he were doing the same thing. What in the world was he thinking? That this baby could fix every problem between them?

 

The next few days pass with relative calm.

 

Ken can’t remember the last time he’s felt this blissful. There was nothing more soothing to waking up beside Touka, and knowing that there was nowhere that she would be going. There was the cafe, of course, but she doesn’t go -- and even ignores the phone calls that she received on her cell phone. After the first day at his flat, she turns it off entirely. He can’t hold back a smile from seeing her do that.

 

She was with him.

 

Only with him.

 

On this particular morning, he wakes up before her, lightly lifting up the large t-shirt that he had given her to sleep in and pushes it over her belly. He cups his hand over the bulging flesh, smiling at the slight hardness to it. This is where his seed had taken root -- where his child was flourishing inside of her. He can’t resist leaning down to kiss it, and then lower as he’s overcome with affection.

 

“What are you doing?” He hears her ask. Ah, she must’ve woken up.

 

“I’m worshipping you,” he answers honestly, as his lips brush lower, against the band of her panties. He smiles, beginning to tug them down.

 

Nothing could be better this.

 

He would miss her once he was gone.

 

\--

 

Sex had always helped her forget her problems. When Ken is inside of her, she doesn’t have to worry about the growing child inside of her, or Nishiki and Yomo-san, or her own anxiety about whether this child was even viable. 

 

The trouble always came  _ after. _

 

Once the afterglow had worn off, and the slickness between her thighs turns sticky and itchy and she feels Ken pull her close, whispering praises into her ears. 

 

“ _ That felt so good.” _

 

_ “You’re beautiful.” _

 

_ “You’re mine.”  _

 

And god, she knows --  _ she knows _ \-- that this just a trap. He’s ensnaring her again, like he always did. He’s smiling  _ that _ smile. The same one that she remembers from a time that felt like another life. He was different back then, but sometimes she wonders if the person in front of her now had always been there, simmering just beneath the surface. She might not ever know, but she does know that this Ken wants to keep her. She understands that.

 

This isn’t love.

 

She just wants it to be. Badly.

 

\-- 

 

But wanting something doesn't necessarily make it happen. She watches him sometimes, when they're both home. 

 

He was doing everything in his power to keep her happy. 

 

It didn't make any sense but somehow it did. Just like how she knew what he was trying to do without hearing him say it.

 

It was selfish and imperfect but she craves it. She could fool herself into believing that it would last. That he was doing this out of love and not some misplaced selfishness in finally having something to call his own.

 

She was hurting too, and in a moment of resigned irony, accepted it.

 

She would play the fool and take what she was given.

 

\--

 

“Heading to work?” She asks softly, peering into their bedroom to watch him fix the collar of his crisp navy blue blouse. 

 

His hair looked soft and he combs his fingers through his bangs to move them away from his eyes. 

 

He wasn't wearing his glasses.

 

He gives her a small smirk. 

 

“I told you, they wouldn't need me today.” He looks over her plain sleeping shorts and tank top. 

 

She had just gotten up to use the restroom.

 

“Get dressed, I want to take you somewhere.”

 

Her brows furrow with confusion. Go somewhere…?

 

He heaves a heavy sigh, “We’ll get some of your things from your apartment later. I got you something for the occasion though.”

 

He holds out a shopping bag and she eyes it with even more confusion.

 

\--

 

It's stunning sundress. A creamy pink and the material soft against her skin. The silhouette was loose around her small belly and it really flattered her.

 

She stands in front of the mirror, brushing her hair with soft strokes and then applying a tube of gloss she had in her purse.

 

How funny that Kaneki of all people was taking her out on a date? After everything they had gone through, it was laughable that the prospect of a date was what really tripped her up.

 

And yet, it all made her heart flutter.

 

_ I’m such an idiot. _

 

\--

 

He holds her hand as they walk, and for a moment she can pretend that they were an ordinary couple going on a date. He compliments her, and teases her when she tries to ask him where they were going. They hadn’t actually gone out in public before. Generally, even when he was “Haise” they had tried to keep their relationship discrete. He would come to Re:, or her apartment, or she’d go to the chateau, and later, his flat. 

 

Dates weren’t something that they did.

 

Even back then -- long ago, there hadn’t been a label placed on what they did. She had viewed it as stress relief, and who better to sleep with then the sweet boy that he had been? She had realized too late what he had meant to her, and by that point he had become an entirely different person.

 

“You’re really not going to tell me?”

 

“You’ll have to wait and see,” he says, voice light. “Don’t be so impatient, Touka-chan.”

 

Her heartbeat rushes despite herself. Touka-chan. He’d been calling her that since finding out about the pregnancy, too. Still, nothing had changed. He was still a dove. He was still choosing to kill ghouls. 

 

She tries not to think about it.

 

Eventually, they arrive at the 21st ward and they are standing in front of a cafe. She raises an eyebrow as she sees it. A cafe? When she already had her own? He grins at her, and instead points, motioning for her to look inside. There were bunnies in the window. As well as bunnies in little pins all over the cafe. She sees people playing with the rabbits in between drinking their coffee and she gets another almost painful heart rush.

 

“I thought that you would like this,” he says, squeezing her hand. “You still like rabbits, right?”

 

Her voice cracks, “Yes,” there’s a lump in her throat that is difficult to swallow. 

 

Nothing about this was fair. 

 

_ What are you trying to do right now?  _ The question is lodged in her throat, like lead. Did he really want them to be together? Did he truly want a family with her? Or was this some sort of elaborate scheme to cage her even further? Didn’t he already know that she was completely ensnared by him? She had been since the moment he had fallen to her feet and begged her to help him.

 

A stupid, pitiful half-ghoul. And an idiot girl who couldn’t understand him, even though she wanted to. They were older now, different, but somehow that hadn’t changed.

 

At all.

 

He ushers her inside, and she is blinking back tears as he sits her down and orders them both coffee. Shakily, Touka reaches into the rabbit pen, and pets one. It was a mini lop, the color of graham crackers, with floppy ears and a twitching nose. She lifts it up and sets it on her lap, and clutches it for dear life. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t.

 

She’s the oddest mix of ecstatic and devastated. Her hands tremble around the bunny. It was an adorable little thing -- so cute. This was nice of him to do, wasn’t it? Ken was always doing nice things like this for her. Things that made her fall for him a little more each time. She’s almost hysterical.

 

Ken doesn’t seem to notice. As he sits beside her in the booth, his arm curls around her waist, and rests right on her belly. Right on the swell of it. 

 

“Are you happy?” He asks, smiling, eyes trained down at her belly.

 

She has to choke back a hysterical giggle as she answers.

 

“Yes.”

 

\--

 

They leave the cafe after two hours, and it’s difficult for her to let go of the bunny. “Do you want to buy it?” Ken asks, watching her as she sets it back into the pen. She shakes her head, “I don’t know if I’ll have much time to take care of it properly,” she says.

 

“Why not?” Ken asks, “You’ll be living with me now. There’s no reason for you to work, so you’ll have plenty of time.”

 

“Living with you?” Touka blinks, looking at him. When had they decided that? Or had he gone and decided that for her? She gets into Ken’s car and gives him a wary look. “Yes,” he responds, still smiling that cheerful smile of his. The dimple on the side of his cheek seems to be taunting her.

 

“You’ll need help with the baby,” he says, in a very matter of fact kind of way. “I don’t want you to be alone in case there are any complications.”

 

Her brow furls. Living with him -- in that bare, sparse flat.

 

“Isn’t that a problem?” Touka asks, “With your job?”

 

“That doesn’t matter,” Ken says. 

 

“Doesn’t it?”

 

Was he serious right now? “You’re going to let the pregnant ghoul women that you’re fucking live with you?” She says slowly, trying to make him understand how ridiculous that sounded. It was like asking for the doves to come pounding on their doors. Many of the doves in his circle were like vultures, catching sight of the slightest tell and then destroying with brutal efficiency. She didn’t want to lose anything else.

 

“I won’t let that happen,” he says stubbornly. “None of them ever come by my flat. You’ll be fine there.” His hand squeezes the steering wheel. She can hear the tightening clench of the rubber on the wheel. 

 

The already tense mood is soured even more. She almost wants to kick herself for bringing it up, but it was necessary; one of them had to face reality sooner or later. All she was doing was running from her problems, and it seemed as though he were doing the same thing. What in the world was he thinking? That this baby could fix every problem between them?

 

She still didn’t know how to feel about his job, about the people he associated with and his overall attitude towards ghouls. She didn’t even understand what he was aligning himself with. It’s too frustrating to keep thinking about, so she opts to drop the subject, and look out the window as he drove.

 

She starts dozing off in the car, resting her head against the seat, only come to when the car stops. 

 

She sits back up, blearily looking around and seeing that they were in the parking lot of some market. He clicks his seatbelt off and reaches over to click hers off too. 

 

“Where are we?” She wanted to go home. This entire day had been tiring and her mood only continued to worsen.

 

“You’ll see,” He answers, getting out of his side to open the passenger door to help her out. They take the elevator up to some department store and walk right out into the floor with the baby section. 

 

Now she  _ really _ wanted to go home.    
  
“K-Kaneki,” She says with a warning tone. 

 

“We need to start shopping for them, or else we won’t have enough time after they get here.” 

 

No, she couldn’t do this. But his grip on her arm was firm and he looks at her with a pensive stare, almost like he was trying to make amends. 

 

“You need to pick up some clothes too, we can talk about  _ that _ once we get home.” 

 

_ Once we get home, _ those words make her feel good, pathetically enough.  _ Stupid _ _ , _ one word from him was enough to make that pathetic, longing part of swell with misplaced hope. Her eyes catch sight of pastel onesies with flowers and cows on them, jinging toys and bassinets lined up in neat rows and suddenly she wants to look through them. She wants to hope that this -- whatever it was, lasted. 

 

That she and Kaneki can give their child a healthy home and two loving parents that they never had for themselves. 

 

They pass by a mirror and she thinks they -- almost look like a normal pair of expecting parents, excited and terrified of meeting their little one. Maybe in a perfect world, they could be happy, without having to worry about their own shortcomings and the complicated situation they were placed in by fate.

 

He holds up a little jacket, too small to belong to a child. It was pink and soft looking, the insides lined with fleece. 

 

There were bunny ears attached to the hood. 

 

He gives her a wry smile. 

 

“What do you think?”

 

Her eyes water. She wants it. 

 

\--

 

The wade through the children’s section, picking out a few things like that jacket and a onesie with a caterpillar on it. She plays with a butterfly mobile that plays  _ twinkle twinkle little star _ and imagines her child. What would they look like?

 

What would they act like? How would she -- be with them? She’s always liked kids, but to be a parent? She wonders how her mother had done it?. How had she brought in two children into their world, even knowing that it wasn’t a safe place for them? How did her father support her knowing that any moment, one of them could be snatched away?

 

How did she and Kaneki know that this child would even make it? That she and their child wouldn’t die if someone at the CCG found out about her?

 

These worries, seem to gnaw at her, consuming the smallest of hopes that she’s allowed to bloom inside of her. 

 

When they return to his flat, both of them carrying bags of clothing both for herself and the baby, she doesn’t stop Ken when he urges her to set the bags down. He lifts her up easily, bridal style, chuckling as he carries her into the bedroom. “This was nice,” he says, laying her down on his bed. 

 

“We should go out like this again,” he murmurs against her lips. “Before it’s too late.”

 

This makes her blink.  _ Too late? _ Too late for what? “What do you mean?” He doesn’t answer her, and instead lifts her dress up over her hips, and palms her over her panties. Then, he’s hastily removing his gloves and sliding his hand underneath the elastic band to touch her directly. She loses track of what she had been attempting to say. 

 

He kisses her mouth, and she returns the kiss, just as hungrily.

 

Maybe this could work.

 

_ Don’t be stupid. _

 

Maybe he was changing. Things could be different now. 

 

_ Don’t delude yourself.  _

 

She is all too hasty as she fumbles with the buckle of his slacks, dragging his zipper down and reaching inside, into his boxers to draw out his cock through his fly. She strokes him from base to tip, and he gasps against her mouth. “Don’t stop,” he orders, and she has no intention of that at all, especially not as she raises a leg, bringing it to his hip in order to push him over.

 

She climbs on top of him, and grips his cock, tightening her hold as she begins to pump him.

 

Ken pants, eyes glazing. Months of practice had made her quite good at this. He was most sensitive at the head of his cock, but he enjoyed a firm hold. Fondling his balls could make him stutter and joke. With a few simple touches, she could make the feared black reaper bend to her will.

 

Like this, she’s wanted. 

 

He looks up at her with such reverence the moment that she takes him inside of her mouth. She looks up at him, locking eyes with him as she sinks down, carefully sliding his cock down her throat in a smooth motion. It’s easy to open herself to him now, and while the sensation isn’t all that pleasant, it’s worth it to see him throw his head back as he moans in unrestrained bliss.

 

Then, she asks again.

 

“What do you mean by too late?”

 

She licks the shaft of his cock, feeling his hips tense. She pushes down on them to keep him from thrusting forward. He rasps. “Touka-chan--”

 

“Answer my question,” she says, this time taking only the head into her mouth and hollowing her cheeks as she sucks. Ken hisses, hands fisting the sheets. 

 

“T-There’s never enough time,” he says weakly. “With you. Being with you. Like this,” is the only sentence that he has the presence of mind to string together. She has a feeling that’s not all there was to it, but she’s satisfied with his answer for now. 

 

She takes him back down her throat, bobbing her head slowly and looking up at him to watch how she affects him. That was one of the few things that she felt like she has any power over. 

 

He fists his fingers through her hair with a shudder. “T-Touka,” He groans, “Please…” 

 

She likes this. Reducing the black reaper into a fumbling mess while she teases him. She can see it in his eyes, how much he wants her and how he was starting to crack. 

 

She draws him out with a pop and strokes his shaft, opening her mouth and aiming the head right inside as she strokes him faster. 

 

His eyes are wild with need, he wants to oblige her -- but he also wanted to fuck her. 

 

It was then that he decides he would do both. He encircles his shaft with his warm hand and slowly strokes his cock onto her open mouth, watching her with burning eyes as she licks the pre-cum dribbling off the top and her lashes fluttering with every slow suck once she closes her lips over the head. 

 

He can see her hands going over her bra and slowly squeezing her breasts and in that moment he feels the resistance crumble and he lifts her onto his lap. 

 

She looks coy, hiding her smirk under her messy hair but he can still see her swollen, pink lips curled at the corners. She was so proud of herself and the way she was slowly cracking away at his resolve. 

 

He wants to change that, prove that it wasn’t just her who was able to have the other at their mercy. 

 

His grip tightens in her hair. It’s been getting longer and he likes it. She cranes her neck with a whimper and closes her eyes when he begins kissing her sensitive throat. She was always putty in his hands just from the kisses. 

 

He knew and he was enthralled by it, swiping his teeth over her sensitive, pale skin to leave his marks and slide the straps of her dress and bra down her shoulders. His lips following the track to kiss over every inch of new skin. 

 

Finally, he’s able to slide both offending fabrics down to her waist, not ripping them to shreds because she would be upset. 

 

“Are these for me?” He ran his nose over the valley of her breasts, shuddering at the scent of her perfume on her skin. They had gotten bigger recently, no doubt with milk for their child. 

 

The thought makes him more than a little possessive. 

 

This was for him too. For him and their child. She was his. 

 

“F-For -- ah!” She can’t respond when he begins to suck her pert nipples into peaks, kneading the swollen breasts and making her quake from the sensitivity she felt. 

 

They had been so achy recently. She couldn’t even slide on her bra without hissing and yet here he was touching, palming and taking like he always did. 

 

_ And she loves it. _

 

“T-They’re for you,” She whispers, rocking her hips in a rough acclimation to sate the tightness that threatened to overtake her. She kisses the corner of his lips messily and latches her nails down on his back. “All for you.” 

 

He seems to physically propagate from her words. Like she has renewed his energy and his vigor with her words. 

 

“You’re mine,” He whispers, with an excited smile, “All mine,” And then, “It’s just going to be us.” 

 

He cups his hands over her breasts and slowly rubs the pad of his thumb over her nipples, jerking his hips to rub against her center. His cock rubs against her wet panties and it makes her all the more impatient. 

 

Luckily, he seems to share her feelings and places her back on their bed on her back and slides the remaining articles of clothing out from under her. He pauses to admire her body, ethereal against the warm light from the lamp and soft to the touch. 

 

He doesn’t look away as he undresses himself and climbs into their bed and spread her thighs apart. He situates himself in between them, feeling her wrap her legs around his hips and kiss him hungrily. He paces himself, feeling strangely light in his chest from the way things had come to. 

 

He wants to pamper her. 

 

And he does, making her come again and again before they had both finally exhausted each other.

 

He’s never been like this during sex. So attentive. Well, he was always attentive -- like giving her pleasure was more of an impulse, something that he needed, rather than something that he actually did for her benefit. It had gotten him off to make her come, to make her delirious from her pleasure. This feels -- different now, though.

 

There’s tenderness in his touch, as he touches her -- even as he fucks her.

 

Actually, it doesn’t feel just like fucking anymore.

 

She’s shivering as she comes, kissing his mouth, and tugging at his lips with her teeth.  _ Is it you?  _ She wonders.  _ Are you finally yourself again? _

 

She wants to believe so badly.

 

He kisses her, holding her close and affectionately brushing his fingers through her hair. Then, he cups her cheeks, and kisses her forehead, and the simple action makes Touka’s heartbeat quicken.

 

Touka breathes, and wonders for a moment, if this is love.

 

_ I hope so _ , she thinks, looking down at their entwined fingers. Even if it wasn’t, she was loathe to get rid of it. Her earlier worry about his behavior was becoming less and less of a concern. Maybe it was idiotic of her to trust him -- to blindly have faith in him this way, but maybe he was right.

 

Maybe they could finally be a family. 

 

\--

 

“Why do you need to go back to Re?” Ken asks, watching as she places her phone and the keys that he had given her into her purse. “I told you that you didn’t need to work.”

 

“I need to talk to Yomo-san,” she says, “And the glasses wearing asshole.” She sees Ken grimace at that, like he didn’t like the idea. She gapes at him. 

 

“You don’t really still believe that something is going on between me and Nishiki, do you?” she says flatly. He really could be an idiot sometimes. This was childish and silly. His lip curls in displeasure, and he looks away from her, hands balling into fists.

 

“...No.”

 

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem.”

 

“What if they tell you not to come back?”

 

His question surprises her, and when she looks at him again, her lips part. He looks -- vulnerable. His eyes seem pained from behind his round, rimmed glasses. His back hunches over, and he looks down at the ground.

 

Was he -- really afraid of losing her?

 

Something about that fills her with  _ excitement.  _ He needed her. He  _ needed _ her. 

 

“I’ll come back,” she promises, this time walking to him and pulling him flush against her. He lets his head rest on her belly and runs her fingers through his hair. Her heart is racing, cheeks flushed in pleasure. “I won’t go anywhere. I swear it.”

 

Ken’s gloved hand curls around one of her hands. He brings one of them to his lips. “Do you promise?”

 

“Yes.”

 

This might be a cage -- but if it was like this,  then it might not be so bad.

 

\--

 

She arrives to Re with her heart thrumming in her chest. The anxiety was still there, the leftover emotions from the last time she had run off in a fit of panic to Ken’s flat. She had been in a place of uncertainty and darkness. Feeling as though no one in the world was able to see her side of the story. 

 

How tired she was of losing everything whilst living. She decided she would not lose this baby or what she had with Ken. 

 

They would work on it. They would fix whatever it was that needed fixing. They could do it, she knew they could. 

 

Before entering the cozy cafe, she quickly shoots Ken a text about picking her up. 

 

_ If you aren’t too busy, I was thinking we can go out again today. _

 

He doesn’t even wait to finish reading before shooting her an affirmative text back. It made her belly clench from excitement. 

 

He wanted her too. He was afraid of losing her too. All this time, she thought it was just her who had this fear when in fact it was a mutual feeling. 

 

What greets her in the cafe bar, is a disgruntled Yomo polishing glasses and Nishiki resting one of his legs on the stool. They both stand straighter when they see her. 

 

It had been a good week since she had left. 

 

Whatever lecture she was about to get was probably justified. 

 

But in the end, it’s not a lecture as much as it is a hug from Yomo and a playful slap on the arm from Nishiki. 

 

She figured she had scared them enough by running off. 

 

“Don’t do that again,” Yomo warns, clutching her tightly. His embrace is so warm, she can feel her eyes getting misty. She wraps her arms around him as well and they stand there, still, just for a few moments. 

 

They don’t ask where she had gone off to, knowing the answer quite well and not wanting to ruin Touka’s mood and the Re staff’s reunion with anything upsetting. Touka gets behind the counter to make coffee and catch up on the latest news. 

 

She drinks decaf while the other two guzzle down the espresso blend that only she seems to make with finesse. It’s coming up one way or another, but the topic of her baby and Ken catch her off guard. 

 

“We’ve been okay,” She answers softly, smiling and running her palm down the barest bump on her belly. The nausea had gone away to replace itself with drowsiness and headaches. It was honestly the lesser of a great evil as throwing up has always been very traumatizing for her. 

 

“That’s good to hear,” Nishiki murmurs, “What did the King of Fakes have to say about it?”

 

She hesitates but doesn’t linger long to tip off any suspicions. “We’re both -- ,” she pauses, considering the correct adjective to use, “Very happy.” 

 

Somehow, Nishiki doubts it, but he wasn’t going to sour things when they were just getting better. 

 

The evening passes with more stories and silly talks. Touka swipes a couple of bags of beans to make at home for Ken and herself. She had already stopped by her apartment to pack up more of her belongings to take back to their now shared flat so she didn’t have to worry too much about leaving anything behind after terminating her lease. 

 

She shoots Ken a text about being ready to go. 

 

_ I’ll be there in half an hour, we can go to the place with the cakes that you like. _

 

Her cheeks color as she peers up from her phone. He remembered her sleep talking about the bakery. She had been meaning to try some foods that she had some curiosity about. Cakes in particular. 

 

Maybe it was the hormones, but his text warms her from the inside. 

 

_ It’s okay, _ she tells herself, touching her belly.  _ It’s okay. _

 

\--

 

Ken arrives on time, and drives her to that same bakery as promised. They hold hands, talk and laugh, pointing to the adorable cakes.

 

It was like they were a normal couple.

 

Touka is deliriously happy. 

 

\--

 

Neither of them notice a pair of watching eyes from outside of the bakery. A man in a black trenchcoat smiles, and then laughs. 

 

“Well,” the man says, brushing his fingers through his black hair. His grin stretches, eyes drawn to the slightly bulging belly of the pretty ghoul woman standing beside his partner. Who would have known the woman that he had seen many years before had been related to Kaneki Ken? What luck!

 

“How very  _ interesting.” _

 

\--

 

Somewhere, a clown is laughing.

 

\--

Chapter 4 end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We almost missed the deadline for this chapter! But luckily, managed to string a few things together to all the people waiting to read! Once again, feedback is loved, appreciated and makes us write faster!


	5. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lays awake at night, even when she’s dozed off, cheek pressed against his bare chest. He can smell the jasmine of her lotion and the lilac scent of her hair. She feels warm and so very alive on his chest that he almost entertains the idea that he doesn’t have to do this.
> 
>  
> 
> This can be their forever.

 

His eyes flutter open when the sunlight hits them directly. 

 

The right side of the bed was still warm, indicating that she has not been awake for too long.  _ Their _ room had an assortment of boxes, depicting pictures of children’s furniture and toys laying about. 

 

He had promised her that he would wake early and help her sort through the things they’ve already purchased. He glances at his bedside clock to see that he had slept in --

 

Again.

 

Raking his fingers through his dark hair, he jumps out of bed, searching for her outside of their room. It had already been five months since she had come to live with him, and he can already hear her soft music playing in the living room and unsurprisingly, she stood in the middle of their new Turkish rug, back facing him, eyeing something from the window. 

 

He sneaks up behind her, enclosing her in his arms and burying his face in her messy bun. 

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” He grumbles, nuzzling his face. “You know I want to help organize the stuff we bought.” 

 

“Shh,” She cautions him, gesturing at the two squirrels frolicking on a tree branch. “You’ll scare them away. I think they’re living here now.” 

 

He looks over to where she’s pointing, and sure enough there seemed to be a family of squirrels resting on a branch parallel to their window. 

 

He snorts. “Cute,” then tugging her away from the scene to bring back to the couch. She sits on his lap, playing with his bangs and watching him intently. 

 

“You look like you’re happy,” She murmurs. “What’s the occasion?” 

 

He answers back, just as thoughtfully, watching her with something in his eyes. “You’re here, isn’t that occasion enough?” His grin widens at seeing the way that she flushes in response to his words. He hasn’t seen her look this happy in a long time. He grabs her hand, bringing it to his lips and sweetly kissing the back of her palm. Touka looks flustered, averting her eyes and quickly snatching her hand back from him.

 

“Since when did you talk like that?” She mutters, eyes lowered demurely as he brings his lips to hers. It’s a sweet, chaste kiss. They rarely kissed like this these days. It makes him nostalgic for the past -- for the way that things had been between them  _ before _ . 

 

Before he had changed.

 

“I’m just being honest, Touka-chan,” he says, loving the look of flushed happiness on her face. She gives him a mockingly surprised look. “You can do that?”

 

He chuckles. 

 

Well, if it gave her this kind of reaction, he could certainly pretend to be. 

 

\--

 

“Sasaki-san,” his partner draws in that annoyingly cheerful voice of his. “You seem so chipper lately. I wonder what’s the case of that?” He leans over his desk, smiling widely. He’s digging for information, again. It was a common enough occurrence when dealing with Furuta, that he doesn’t even bat an eyelash.

 

His smile is perfectly in place as he answers. “Is there any reason to be gloomy, Furuta-san?”

 

Furuta’s smile widens -- and for a moment Ken is worried. He’s smiling as though he knows something that he doesn’t. That was never a good sign with him.  “I suppose not, Boss,” he says, chuckling as he turns to leave.

 

“We need to move out soon. There are more rats to kill.”

 

Ken frowns, smile dropping as soon as the other man was out of sight. He had been quite careful -- and even if he did know about Touka, there was no way that he knew that she was a ghoul. It was common for investigators to have girlfriends, wives, or even family. 

 

For a moment, he wonders if he would need to speed up his timeline.

 

_ It’s fine. He doesn't know anything.  _

 

Still, he finds himself looking onto his phone, and transferring a large amount of the money in his bank account into a private account that he had opened earlier that week in his free time. He would leave the information in his apartment after he was gone, and Touka and the baby would never have a lack for anything.

 

He frowns, wondering if he would need to hide them. Lock her away, so that no one would be able to find her. Not the doves, and certainly not Furuta.

 

Though, that wouldn’t make her happy.

 

But this wasn’t just about her happiness, was it?

 

\--

 

He returns home later that evening, after taking several detours through the first, second and third Ward. Just in case Furuta had been following him. 

 

It was probably just paranoia on his part but he could never be too sure. The last thing he wanted to do was jeopardize any of his plans, especially Touka and their child’s safety. 

 

His eyes narrow as he peers down the living room window and sets the security alarm after locking the deadbolt. 

 

He can hear her tinkering with something in the kitchen, the sound of the faucet running and the TV playing some nonsensical game show as background noise. For a moment, he’s struck by how ordinary and normal this scene was to him. He looks around the space of the living room and can hardly recognize the change from a few months ago when he got the place. 

 

What had happened?

 

The windows had curtains, there was a rug on the cold, tiled floor. Somehow they’ve acquired several potted plants and a coffee table with scented candles and various copies of weekly mangas on it. Touka’s bunny slippers lay by the foot of the couch, which now have fluffy cushions and a plush throw. 

 

He can’t recognize the place at all, yet it warms him from the inside knowing that -- this truly was home. 

 

It felt like home. God, he wanted to laugh at how struck he was by all of this. Would it even matter when he went through with his plans? His child would grow up without him and Touka -- she would never forgive him, would she?

 

“You’re back early,” She peers from the kitchen, her hair, falling below her shoulders. She kept it clipped up with a hair claw he had gotten her. 

 

He clears his throat, shaking the dread of his plans off. He won’t back down -- he can’t.

 

“Yeah,” He walks over to her with a curious look. “Are you trying to cook again?”

 

Instantly, her cheeks brighten up with a red flush. She can’t deny the mess on the counter and the recipe book she had flipped through trying to find something easy to make. She had even messed up omurice. Omurice of all things! She would probably be throwing all of this up later, but Yoriko had went on and on about how simple it was to make. She had hoped that eating something that wasn’t burgers and french fries would be easier on her stomach.

 

“I - I was bored,” She answers defensively, “and I couldn’t nap either, the baby keeps kicking me.” 

 

His gaze drops down to the rounded belly of hers. His fingers twitch, longing to feel the movement of their child. 

 

_ Do I even deserve it?  _

 

She takes his hands and places them herself, impatient. The baby had been moving a lot recently, having had a false alarm of contractions that forced them into a panic. 

 

The baby doesn’t kick when he tries to feel it though. He’s tried, it’s like his child already knew him well enough.

 

She looks thoroughly annoyed. “I think I just have to carry your hands around my stomach now. The brat doesn’t stop unless your hands are there.”

 

He swallows uncomfortably. 

 

“Omurice? I can help you make it,” He says, changing the subject. She grumbles about it, but accepts his help. 

 

\--

 

He lays awake at night, even when she’s dozed off, cheek pressed against his bare chest. He can smell the jasmine of her lotion and the lilac scent of her hair. She feels warm and so very alive on his chest that he almost entertains the idea that he doesn’t have to do this. 

 

This can be their forever. 

 

But he knew deep down that he was wrong. Things were already moving in the direction he had carefully planned for months. It can’t change now -- not even for their sake.

 

It  _ couldn’t _ change. 

 

He smiles wryly, thinking of Hinami, who was still trapped in cochlea. If he let her die, then perhaps, he could live peacefully with Touka. He couldn’t do that, though. Hinami didn’t deserve such a fate, not after all she had done -- not after he had left her in that hellhole to rot. He didn’t deserve happiness at the expense of her life.

 

He didn’t deserve it at all, in fact.

 

\--

 

“Shouldn’t you see a doctor?” Ken asks the following day. “For the baby?”

 

Touka snorts. A doctor? Was he serious. “I’ll just do that,” she says dryly. “You do realize that doctors can probably easily spot a ghoul, right? Many of them do RC testing in all standard exams. I can’t do that,” she idly strokes her belly, somewhat sadly. She was already worried about the child’s chances but the passing weeks made her more and more hopeful. It hadn’t died yet, and she can feel it growing a bit stronger each and every day. It gives her hope.

 

And -- things had been better with Ken.

 

There hadn’t been any arguments, and while he still made a face when she went to visit Nishiki and Yomo-san, he didn’t complain. Things almost felt normal. Like what a real relationship should be like, though she had no idea what that would look like.

 

Perhaps -- like her mother and father? They had always been quite affectionate towards each other. It was hard to remember much about her mother, but she does remember frequent kisses between her parents and the way her mother had playfully teased him. She remembers being thrilled when her mom would drag her into as well. 

 

_ “Isn’t Papa handsome, Touka-chan?” _ She’d ask, and then she’d hug him tightly, drawing both herself and Ayato into the hug as well. It’s the last time she remembers ever feeling so safe. 

 

She had never seen them even have an argument.They had been almost like something out of a fairy tale --

 

\-- Right down to the tragic ending.

 

Happily ever afters didn’t exist for ghouls, after all. 

 

“I know someone,” Ken says idly. He takes her hand, drawing her towards him and then presses his hand to her belly. She can feel the baby stop kicking and her lips quirk at the annoyed look on his face when he does. Amused, she shakes her head.  “And who’s that? You just happen to know a doctor that won’t rat us out?”

 

Ken smiles, and it’s one of those unsettling ones that always makes her uncomfortable. 

 

“I do,” he insists. “Trust me.”

 

Trust. She really does want to believe that something like that exists between them.

 

There has to be some form of trust between them now, right? They’ve been through so much together already. When she looks at him, and sees nothing but assurance in his eyes, she thinks that there was something similar between them that there was between her parents. 

 

\--

 

He buys her a decaf coffee from her second favorite cafe and lets her pick out the cake she would be having after dinner tonight. She takes her time, smiling at the assortment of cakes and pastries behind heavy glass that fogs up when she breathes on it. Her baby kicks again as she looks at a particularly yummy looking slice of vanilla cake, decorated with slices of fresh strawberries that gleamed like rubies. 

 

“That one, please.” She tells the nice proprietess, who only smiles and makes conversation with her about how many weeks she was along and if she knew about the gender yet. 

 

“We’re actually on our way…” She mumbles, playing with a loose strand of her dark hair. She had stopped dyeing it. 

 

“Good luck, dear,” The shop owner smiles. “And don’t be sad if it isn’t what you had hoped for. A healthy baby is better than anything else in the world.” 

 

Her heart stutters in her chest. That’s all she wanted really. She wanted her baby to get here safe and sound, her entire soul longing to hold them to her chest. 

 

“Touka-chan, it’s time to go.”

 

The woman waves at her as Ken guides her back to the car. 

 

\--

 

The clinic was far, further away from the Ward she calls home and she fidgets with her phone as Ken parks the car and pockets the keys into his blazer. 

 

“Will we have to wait long?” She asks him nervously, looking at all the people who were waiting to be seen. They don’t suspect her, a ghoul among them, just another human patient, waiting to see the doctor. 

 

But old habits die hard, and Touka is so used to looking over her shoulder and covering her tracks for years. 

 

“We’ve been given priority.” He answers, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, leading her to a wooden door that reads  _ Dr. Kurosaki _ .

 

Ken lets himself in, startling the greying doctor from his paperwork. The man pales at the sight of Ken, who smiles and points to Touka to take a seat. 

 

“The good doctor offered to see you, Touka-chan. Isn’t that right?” He keeps his eyes trained on the older man, his unsettling smile on his lips. Touka frowns, looking between the two and running her palm up and down her belly to soothe her child’s rambunctious kicking. 

 

Dr. Kurosaki was a small man with a kind looking face -- he looked like the kind of family man who doted on his wife and child, if he had them. He looked as though he had never harmed not even a fly, and he is shaking like a leaf as he approaches her. She gives Ken a questioning look, but he continues to smile as though nothing were wrong. This man was clearly a human.

 

And clearly terrified.

 

Nothing about that makes her feel good. “We can leave,” Touka says, watching the Dr. Kurosaki with pity. “The baby seems strong -- there’s nothing to worry about,” she tries. For a moment, the good doctor looks hopeful, at least until Ken comes beside him, squeezing his shoulder. To the untrained eye, Ken’s smile would have seemed nice -- all closed eyes, dimple in his cheek. She can see that his eyes are squeezed just the slightest bit too tightly -- and the pressure that he’s applying to the man’s shoulder makes Dr. Kurosaki makes the man rasp in pain. There’s a crack.

 

“Please --”

 

“Enough,” Touka says, “Kaneki -- that’s enough.” 

 

He doesn’t listen to her, but he does release the man, who falls to the floor, grabbing his shoulder in pain. He had popped his shoulder right out of place. “Is it enough?” Ken says, echoing her to Dr. Kurosaki. 

 

“Do you have any idea the kind of things that this man has done?” He asks, directing his question to her, then. “To ghouls? Specifically to ghoul women?” He smiles, then. “To children?”  The implication is strong and Touka feels herself grow cold. Her compassion had all but dried up in that instance.

 

Still -- this all felt too similar. Too  _ hypocritical. _

 

The man wheezes. “Help me -- please --”

 

“I’m sure they begged too,” Ken continues, clearly getting a thrill out all of this. “Didn’t they?”

 

“Kaneki!” She says sharply. Her voice is cold enough to make him stop. His eyes seem confused behind his glasses. “Pop his shoulder back into place and  _ stop.” _

 

“That was my plan,” Ken says, “Though he doesn’t deserve --”

 

“Kaneki,” Touka cuts him off. “If any of us got what we deserved, then none of us would be breathing right now.” She says, and she takes no joy in the way that Ken’s face pales. Still. It needed to be said. “Are you really in a position to talk? You kill ghouls everyday.”

 

The room grew quiet, save for the pained gasps on Dr. Kurosaki, who was looking at the both of them with fear. Her eyes narrow. Pitiful. At least the doves could fight. Did this man kill those who were too weak to do anything about it, too? All while fearing for his life? And then -- after that, did he go home -- and kiss his wife and children?

 

_ Does any of that matter? _

 

No, it didn’t. She likes to pretend most of the times. The last three months had been nothing but a happy dream. Ken isn’t the same anymore, even if he pretended to be meek and gentle with her now, that isn’t him at all.  _ This _ was him. She just had to accept it.

 

“I… suppose that I’m not,” Ken murmurs. 

 

“Then fix his shoulder so that we can get this over with and leave.” 

 

She can’t even look at the man, bile curling up inside of her stomach and trying to rise up her throat. Her baby stops moving too and she watches as Kaneki fixes the man’s shoulder back in place. It sets, with a sickening crunch and he whimpers, eyes tearing and beady as he continues to look between the two of them.    
  
“Well,” Ken drawls, “You heard her. Get to it.” His eyes remain cold as the man scrambles to get everything ready, knowing that any moment, if he chose it, the Associate Special can kill him and have it all brushed aside as nothing. 

 

Dr. Kurosaki was smart though, and knew when to bow his head. 

 

He tests her blood and the urine, not waiting for any lab work, knowing that Sasaki would not take that well, he does it himself. 

 

Everything, much to Touka and Kaneki’s relief, comes back normal. 

 

“What’s that?” She asks softly, pointing to the sonogram screen that he was setting up. Kaneki was scrolling through his phone, sitting on a chair next to the bed she was laying on. One of his gloved hands intertwined with hers. She was so warm to the touch. 

 

“It’s a sonogram screen,” Dr. Kurosaki answers awkwardly. “We can see the fetus and it’s movements this way.” 

 

_ They can see the baby? _

 

Her hand squeezes Kaneki’s tightly and he gives her a small smile. 

 

The doctor applies the gel to her pale belly and slowly places the detector on the lower side, moving it around until the screen loaded to clear image of her womb. 

 

Her hand grips tighter, a gasp leaving her lips as she watches the screen with watery eyes. Kaneks abandons his phone to stare as well, throat drying and palms becoming clammy under his leather gloves. 

 

“From the size of it, I would say Ms. Kirishima...is about 28 weeks.” He moves the detector lower, pressing it down a little more until they can see the baby’s heart beating.    
  
Her eyes widen, lips trembling with happy tears. That’s the heart beat! It was proof that it was alive, that it was fighting just as much, if not harder than it’s parents to remain alive. 

 

The doctor allows Kaneki to control the detector over her stomach, giving the two a moment to watch their child move, heart beating and all. 

 

“It’s a boy.” He announces after a moment. “He was on his stomach before, so I couldn’t see. But he just moved to his back.”    
  
“He moves a lot,” Touka mumbles, dizzy with happiness as she cleans the gel off of her skin. She had pictures and a video too, she couldn’t wait to show Yomo-san and Nishiki. They had really begun to come around as the months had passed -- and now even Yomo-san was excited about the new child, asking her about it, and constantly asking to touch her belly in his shy and quiet way.

 

Ken’s voice sounds shaky. “That’s him, huh?” he says, voice soft as he stares at the screen. His eyes seem misty, and she grabs his hand squeezing reassuringly. She can feel a slight tremble in his hand that he then suppresses as he squeezes her hand back, expression pained.

 

Sadness.

 

Why? “Kaneki --,” she tries to speak, but the doctor’s voice stops her. “He looks quite healthy. I can give you some prenatal vitamins, and then that should be all that you need to be on your way, right?” He was more than excited to rush the two of them out of his office. 

 

The doctor prints pictures of the sonogram for the both of them and Touka takes them, not letting her eyes leave the pictures of her still growing child. She has never felt affection like this before. 

 

She had to protect him.

 

She gets the pre-natal vitamins from the doctor and then, she’s leaving the office in a happy daze, with Ken following behind her.

 

She doesn’t notice the dark, amused look that Ken casts back on the doctor.

 

\--

 

They arrive home afterwards, and none of her happiness had dissipated one bit since seeing the sonogram image of the baby. She feels the baby kick and takes his hand, placing it over her belly and this time, he doesn’t stop kicking. 

 

Ken’s eyes widen, cheeks flushing in happiness. “Is -- Is that the baby?” Touka’s lips quirk. “What else would it be, stupid?” She says, forgetting her own reservations that she had about him in the doctor’s office in order to kiss him. His hands go to cup her cheeks, responding in kind to her with eagerness.

 

They both fall to the bed, kissing hungrily. She tugs at his hair, running her fingers through his soft locks. Neither of them have patience to remove their clothing -- and Touka is quick to bunch up her dress over her belly, while Ken eases himself out of the fly of his slacks. He slides the crotch of her panties to the side and he’s inside.

 

Touka gasps as he enters. The way that he stretched her always took a moment to get used to before she is locking her legs around his hips to keep him in place.

 

It feels good.

 

And then --

 

“I love you,” Ken rasps against her mouth. 

 

Her eyes widen, blinking as if she’s mistakenly heard something she wasn’t supposed to hear. He kisses her on her lips again, feeling her responding slowly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pushing herself into making the kiss more searing and breathless as he pistons inside of her. 

 

“I -- I love you too.” She murmurs, eyes watering as he gives her a smile so large that it was almost reminiscent of what he had been like years ago. When he was just a shy boy with his books and she was the prickly girl, guiding him through the world of ghouls. 

 

He breaks the kiss to pull away and hike her legs up higher, slowly pistoning his hips into deeper and harder thrusts, just like the ones that make her eyes blank and roll behind her lids. It doesn’t take anything more than that and a few hushed _ I love yous _ to make her come.

 

He finishes close behind her, pulling out after she’s milked him completely dry and laid on her back to regain her breathing and exerted energy. He pulls out slowly, watching his essence drip out from within her cunt, as if marking her as his. The sight of her completely tired and sated because of him, sends a thrill up his spine. 

 

She was really all his. Just as much as he was hers. There would be no one else. 

 

He slides her underwear back in place but keeps her dress up over his belly, turning over to rest his cheek against the hardened flesh. She lazily traces circles on his scalp and soothing her fingers through his soft black hair. 

 

She wondered….would her baby boy’s hair be this dark and soft? Or would it mirror her hair and the wild locks she and Ayato both had as children?

 

She feels his kiss her belly, repeatedly, endlessly, as she slowly dozes off to sleep. 

 

\--

 

“I don’t want to leave you.” He whispers to his unborn son. “I don’t want to leave you and your mama.” His throat hurts from the pressure of keeping his voice even and not caving to his desires to cry. “You’re both -- the best thing to happen to me.” 

 

The baby seems to kick him right on his cheek as Ken leans in to nuzzle her belly. As if to tell his father that he was being ridiculous. 

 

“You’re probably right,” He murmurs with a soft laugh. “I hope -- that you’re like your mama. I hope I can make you both happy and proud.” 

He sighs softly, curling his hand over the spot the baby kicks in. “I want to meet you. I’m -- going to meet you.” 

 

He doesn’t want his child and Touka to go through the same thing he and his mother had when he was young. Wanting to die and leaving her behind, that was all so selfish, wasn’t it?

 

He loves her. He wants to live -- for both of them and their future together…

 

But there was just so much left. He couldn’t abandon the plans he had been meticulously making for all this time. There would be a payoff -- and of course, there were still someone he needed to save. Someone else he considered family.

 

He sits up, leaning in to brush Touka’s hair out of her face and kiss her on the cheek and twice on her lips before he got dressed. Sliding on his gloves and buckling his coat.

 

He still had some business to finish up.

 

\--

 

The clinic was closing for the evening. 

 

The interns and nurses, all gone home, leaving Dr. Kurosaki to pack his things and look over the email he had drafted to his good friend, another Associate Class investigator. He would look over the contents in his car and send the email, hopefully putting Sasaki and his ghoul woman to rest under the wrath of the CCG. 

 

It certainly would pay off for dislocating his shoulder. 

 

The main door to the clinic closes, locking from the outside as the security guard makes their rounds to check the rest of the property. It would only take a moment for him to leave for his car anyways. 

 

He’s too busy shoving his files inside his briefcase to notice the glint of metal glass frames and a fringe of dark hair. 

 

\--

 

Touka wakes up in the early hours of the morning and decides to take a warm shower. She would nap again, after taking her vitamins. She really wished Kaneki would have told her before he left for work, but she knew he probably didn’t want to wake her. 

 

A smile comes across her lips as she thinks about that. 

 

She quickly showers and changes into a fresh maternity dress and cardigan. She walks through the house trying to find where she left her bunny mug, only recalling that it was in Ken’s study. 

 

The door if left slightly ajar, telling her that he must’ve stopped inside of here to gather his things before work. She happens to spot her mug on his desk, still filled with cold decaf coffee. She hadn’t been able to finish drinking it two night ago, as both she and Ken had gotten very distracted the moment she had come inside to check up on him. Her lips quirk as she thinks about it.

 

She reaches for her mug, only to notice that one of the drawers on Ken’s desk was left open. Normally, that one had always been locked. In fact, it had been locked every single time that she had ever entered this room.

 

He must’ve been in quite the hurry this morning if he had forgotten to even close this drawer.

 

_ I shouldn’t look inside. _

 

Whatever was in there was something that he had wanted to keep hidden. Knowing Ken -- it was for good reason. It was probably something that she didn’t want to know. She grabs the handle of the drawer, intending to close it, until her eyes fall on the jaggedly ripped edges of a torn envelope. 

 

It looked as though someone had torn it open in a rage.

 

Unable to quell her curiosity, she reaches inside. Only a peak wouldn’t hurt. She already knows what Ken did. He killed ghouls -- there was nothing that was in this folder that would shake her anymore than that fact already did.

 

Slowly, she eases out the letter from the torn envelope. It was pristine -- every word typed in clear, bold ink.

 

Dread fills her.

 

\--

 

_ Sasaki Haise, _

 

_ I am writing to inform you that the rights of ownership of the S ranked ghoul Yotsume, otherwise known as Fueguchi Hinami have been formally transferred to you, as you had previously requested.  She will remain alive in Cochlea’s ghoul facility for as long as you hold these rights. _

 

_ From, _

_ Arima Kishou _

_ September 20XX _

 

_ \-- _

 

Touka grips the letter, hard enough to shred the paper. Stupid -- she had been so fucking  _ stupid. _

 

September.

 

_ September _ .

 

That had been  _ months _ ago.

 

\--

**Chapter 5 end**

_ \-- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took us a while to update this book of our busy schedules, but fear not, expect a new chapter every 2 weeks before spoiler night!


	6. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He really did take her for a fool -- then again, recently, she hadn’t been giving him any reason to not think that. Looking the other way for everything he had been doing, redirecting her questions and concerns with sex or affection. 
> 
> For a moment, she really believed that it was all going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever lmao, hope you guys enjoyed, please leave us some words, we love feedback!

 

Dread is a deadweight hanging in the pit of Touka’s stomach.

 

Her fingers clench the paper so hard that it nearly rips in two, trembling as her fear is replaced with a hot, searing rage. She feels dizzy as her body and head grows so hot that it’s difficult to think. She hadn’t been this angry in a long time. Years, in fact. The last time she had been this furious had been on that fucking bridge and it only seemed fitting that this anger was directed at the same, awful, fucking  _ terrible _ man. 

 

She hadn’t seen Hinami since she ran into her with Tsukiyama years ago. While Touka had always hoped that the girl who she had regarded as a younger sister managed to survive the extermination parties, she had always felt a lingering and almost consuming worry. Hinami wasn’t made for fighting. That girl was unable to even kill the man who murdered her parents in cold blood. Hinami wouldn’t be able to survive this world on her own without support.

 

Touka had searched for her back then, before establishing Re:. She searched and searched, finding nothing. Torn up cities, even beaten Banjou to a bloody pulp when he told her that he let Hinami leave, claiming that she wanted to find her own way.

 

What bullshit.

 

And now here she was -- after finding out that she was alive -- in fucking  _ cochlea _ , about to be executed.

And fucking Ken had known about it for _months_ **.** He hadn’t said anything -- not a single fucking word in all the time that she spent there. He would’ve been content to play house with her while Hinami rotted away in cochlea before being killed by the cold and efficient strike of a quinque.

 

The thought makes her want to vomit. 

 

_ I have to get out of here, _ Touka thinks, almost delirious with rage. She couldn’t stay with him anymore, not after knowing this. It was pathetic, but she had never imagined that even at his worse that he would turn his back on Hinami of all people. Not even at his worst, his cruelest, nor his most selfish. Never. He adored that girl, and Hinami always loved him as an older brother, as well. Yet, he was abandoning her at the hangman’s noose.

 

Stupid! So fucking stupid!

 

She had been a damn fool. And now, Hinami pays the price for it. 

 

\--

  
  


Touka’s rage doesn't abate even after walking In the brisk October weather for hours. She had nothing with her except her wallet, tucked away in a pocket of her wool overcoat. 

 

She is furious with him. So heartbroken -- that he had managed to make her see his selfish ways all by himself. 

 

She had tried so hard before to make it work, to be oblivious and happy. Hoping the child was enough and that slowly, fatherhood would change him. 

 

But that was her fault to begin with.

 

 _You_ _can’t_ _change anyone Touka_. She knew that! She always knew that! She couldn’t change her father’s mad thirst for revenge, couldn’t make Ayato stay or see reason, yet still, she wanted to hope that maybe, things could finally be different. She could pretend, ignore the world around her, and find a small slice of happiness with Kaneki. That was all she had ever wanted.

 

Family. Friends. A simple and quiet life. 

 

Though, it had become clear that she would never achieve this ambition. Especially not with  _ him.  _ He would continue to carve out pieces of her very soul, ripping her flesh bare until there was nothing left. Kaneki Ken was nothing but ruin and destruction. 

 

_ I should run. _

 

She should. 

 

She stops walking, wishing that she could will her feet to continue to move. It wouldn’t be hard -- to run to Yomo’s as fast as she could. Ken didn’t know where his apartment was. That would give her time to tell Yomo about what she had discovered and come up with some kind of plan. It wouldn’t be the first time she had to drop everything and run. Her chest and head feel hot, ears burning. She trembles at the thought -- leaving everything behind again. He wasn’t the type to let her go without a fight. She’s even more furious that he would be the cause of her uprooting her life again.  The thought of leaving re behind makes her bitter, angry. 

 

She had partly built it for him, after all. And yet, he was going to be the cause of its destruction. 

 

Touka intends to walk to Yomo’s apartment -- or Nishiki’s. She even takes out her phone, typing out an entire message to the brown haired man that she doesn’t send. Even still, she finds herself hesitating

 

_ Go _ .

 

_ Run. He’s going to destroy you. _

 

And yet. She  _ can’t. _

 

He had to know. He had to know what he had done. She had to tell him. She couldn’t leave it like this. 

 

She’s still shivering with rage when she returns to the apartment. All of the lights were still out, meaning that he hadn’t gotten home yet. It gives her a moment to think and consider her next move. She couldn’t stay here with him anymore -- but she also needed to know more. Why didn’t he say anything about Hinami? Did he really plan on not doing anything? Those questions wouldn’t leave her no matter how much rationality told her she should flee away from him with nothing but the clothes on her back. 

 

Gingerly, Touka turns on the living room lights and sits on the couch. Waits. her stomach throbbing. She rubs at her protruding belly, trying to soothe the fussy babe inside of her. Did he know? That his mother was distressed? 

 

“It’s okay,” she whispers to her belly. Her eyes are fierce, jaw locked tightly. 

 

She would get her answers.

 

\--

 

It’s easy enough to cut the doctor into small pieces with his kagune. His flesh tears like sheets of paper as he dissembles the small man and places him bit by bit into his rucksack. It had been a while since Touka ate any meat, instead trying to keep down human food. This would be good for her. She couldn’t survive on that alone, and this would give her strength. 

 

Ken will just tell her that he got the meat from underneath the bridge that she normally acquired bodies from.

 

He washes his hands and slips his gloves back on before exiting with the rucksack. He disabled the cameras beforehand, wiped the place clean of his prints, and made arrangements for the doctor’s car to be taken away. He didn't have to do this, but he couldn't risk anyone finding out about Touka and the baby. 

 

Especially if the email Dr. Kurosaki was typing out before had any bearings on it.

 

He stops at her favorite cake shop, buys her hydrangeas for their dining table and the lonely looking case she bought during their last excursion. He hopes this would be enough to ward of her suspicions and finally, they can have some peace together.

 

He swipes his card, nods to the doorman sitting there, white as a sheet, stiff as he always is when he sees him. 

 

He doesn't have time to mess with him today though. 

 

Tucked away inside his trench coat is a velvet box. 

 

\--

 

Ken gets into the elevator, whistling from his own good cheer. He smiles, gently touching the velvet box in his pocket.

 

Will she be happy when she sees it?

 

_ Of course she will _ , he thinks to himself.  _ Like this, she’ll be secure.  _ He could keep her safe and she would have access to all his information and money after his death. Though that doesn’t bring the same comfort that it once had. Before, the idea of death was a soothing one. It’s all he wanted, but lately, he found himself hesitating Not that it would do him any good.

 

Hinami had to be saved after all. His life was merely a necessary sacrifice to achieve that goal. He grabs the handle of his apartment door, and is surprised to find it unlocked. Touka didn’t normally do that, even when she was home. He opens the door and is relieved to see Touka sitting down on the couch.

 

“I’m home,” he says, as he usually does these days.

 

There is no “welcome back” from Touka like he expects. He pauses. In fact, she doesn’t even look up from where she was. 

 

She must be tired. It wouldn’t be the first time, as recently she’s getting more and more fatigued, tired from the last leg of the pregnancy. He would even come home sometimes to see her asleep on the couch, waiting for him. 

 

His chest glows with warmth. One day, it would be her and the child --

 

And he wouldn’t be here for it. But they would be safe and that’s all that matters. 

 

He places the pot of hydrangeas down on the table, along with the box containing slices of cake and the rucksack. 

 

He slides up to her after slipping off his shoes. “Long day?” He asks softly. “I brought you back some cake -- and real food too.” When even that doesn’t get answer out of her, not even a smile, he’s worried. 

 

“Touka...?” 

 

She looks at his face, eyes vacant, voice hollow when she finally speaks. “When were you going to tell me?” 

Her violet eyes bear into him, darkens with anger. There’s a torn piece of paper on the coffee table. He doesn’t need to flip the paper over to know what she was asking about. He feels completely at a loss. 

 

He knew his reasoning behind why he did what he did, rationalized it for months on end, not losing nerve or motivation. But right now, when Touka brings in the question before the two of them, he feels strangely disquieted. 

 

“You can’t  _ fucking  _ be serious right now, Kaneki.” She is trembling. “You knew about Hinami for  _ months _ \--

 

He opens his mouth to say something but she holds up a hand. 

 

“I don’t want to fucking hear it, you weren’t going to tell me. I had to fucking find the letter to know the truth.” She grows hysterical, face twisting as her chest wrings at the thought of Hinami laying in a cell somewhere, terrified and alone. 

 

“I knew you were selfish. I just never knew how much until now.” She shakes her head as if berating herself. It takes him back years, like a child being scolded, and irrationality rears its ugly head inside of him. 

 

“I’m going to save her,” he snaps. “I’ve been planning to -- for months!” She has to understand, he thinks desperately, hands reaching out to seize her shoulders, but she forces his grip off of her. 

 

_ “Save _ her?” she asks with an echo of disbelief. “You’re the reason she’s in this mess!  You asked for ownership over her!” Her fists itch but the strength feels as though it’s been sapped out of her, and only a bone deep weariness is left behind. 

 

She should have expected this. It was always the same old song with him. 

 

He sees the far away look in her eyes and sends him into a frenzy. He thinks and thinks, a way to keep her here, she was going to leave, she was going to leave him all alone -- how was he supposed to live without her?

 

He should confess. Tell her everything. That would be the right thing to do. Help her understand what he was feeling, but how could he? All his life, talking about his feelings, felt like picking at an open sore and even when the moment stands before him, looking him right in the eyes, a visage of fury filled violet, he’s still at a loss. 

 

Her throat locks up from the angry sobs racking her body. 

 

_ “I’ve had enough.” _

 

When she looks at him again, he can see determination in her tear rimmed eyes. There was a resolve there, one that can’t be broken. Alarm coils tight inside of him, the world caving in all around him. This flat, this living room -- it all fades into the background, and there’s only her, standing resolutely, firm in whatever decision she was going to make.

 

He chokes.   
  
He already knew what she was going to do. 

 

Ken thinks back to his mother -- always walking out, always going to help someone else. She had chosen to leave him, too. 

 

“Wait--, I can explain--!” he takes a frantic step towards her, eyes smarting. “You just have to listen.” 

 

“What the  _ fuck _ is there to listen to?” she exclaims, on the verge of screaming. “You let Hinami rot in that hellhole for months and you didn’t even think to say anything. Why not? You have a plan? Let’s fucking hear it, then!” She closes the distance between them and shoves him hard. Even in her weakness, the pressure she applies is enough to wind him for a moment. 

 

“Why?  _ Why didn’t you say anything _ ?!”

 

She’s crying again. Demanding answers from him that he doesn’t have -- that he wants to give her, but he can’t. Why didn’t he tell her? She would have been angry, like she was now. She would have ran off ahead of him again and tried to save Hinami herself. That’s who she was, decisive, always making decisions and following through with it. She will get herself killed if he let her.

 

He couldn’t do that.

 

“Y-You’d get angry,” Ken tries, in a last-resort attempt to reach for her. She slaps his hand away from him.

 

Fuck. She isn’t listening. Nothing was working. “You would have ruined my plan,” Ken says, licking his lips, desperate. “You always run off and do things on your own. I-If you knew, you’d try to do something and--,” 

 

_ You’d leave me,  _ he doesn’t say.

 

“I am going to break Hinami out,” he tries to reassure. “It’s going to be fine” 

 

_ “How?” _

 

“I’m going to fix everything!” he cries, voice now raising, and he’s unable to control it. He grabs her shoulders.  _ Please, Please, Please -- _

 

Touka shakes her head. “Get off of me --”

 

“So you can stay -- and you can leave everything to me --”

 

_ “Stop trying to protect me!”  _

 

Her scream tears through the apartment, silencing him. She punches his chest hard enough that he staggers back, hits the edge of the kitchen table. 

 

“You’re always doing this -- making decisions for me, for everyone around you -- you’re even doing it for Hinami now,” she says, voice coming out in a rush of fury. 

 

“And you never take any fucking responsibility. Everything that you do is  _ for someone else. _ You’re trying to protect Hinami? Or me? Give me a fucking break! If you really wanted that, you would’ve done everything in your power to keep her from being captured in the first place.”

 

Her eyes thin. “You were there, weren’t you? When she was captured. That’s why she’s alive.”

 

Ken nods, silently. “I -- I saved her--” 

 

“You didn’t do  _ shit _ ,” Touka spits. “You saved yourself so you wouldn’t lose your title in the fucking CCG, but at least Hina gets to live on borrowed time, right?”

 

His hands are trembling now, tears blurring his vision. His throat twists. This is all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Desperately, he reaches for the box in his pocket and withdraws it, showing her.

 

“Touka-chan,” he implores, “Please -- I can make it right -- I know I messed up -- but if you stay with me, I can fix everything!” He could. He could make this right. He could take away her tears, and he could save Hinami, too. 

 

He opens the box, “Just -- stay with me.”

 

Touka stares at the jeweled ring in that tiny box. Her hands ball into fist as she looks at it and then back at him, eyes hard. 

 

“Are you kidding me?”

 

He really did take her for a fool -- then again, recently, she hadn’t been giving him any reason to not think that. Looking the other way for everything he had been doing, redirecting her questions and concerns with sex or affection. 

 

For a moment, she really believed that it was all going to be alright. 

 

She turns her gaze away from the ring and begins to walk when he wrenches her back in place, caging her between himself and the dining table. 

 

“Just  _ listen  _ to me --” He’s trying to cup her face but she shoves him back. 

 

“I don’t want to hear anything from you! This -- this is over!” And as if something snapped inside of him, he holds her even more roughly in place, trapping her legs with his own and shoving himself over her to keep her in place so he can just fucking  _ explain -- _

 

“KANEKI --” She turns in his arms, trying to elbow him away from her, but that only makes him push her forward in his efforts to keep her still  -- into the table.

 

She hisses, clutching her belly when he shoves her accidentally too hard into that the edge of the table and digs into her belly. Her knees buckle from the raw pain. It takes a moment for him to realize what he’s done. He sees her gasping in pain, sinking down to her knees as she cradles her belly, while staring at him in disbelief. There’s betrayal in her eyes, and Ken stares at his own hand, before stumbling  far enough away to watch her desperately perch her hand over her belly to soothe the pain and comfort her child. Ken looks horrified as Touka looks down, expression rife with terror. 

 

_ What did I do?! _

 

Touka is growing paler, as she pats her belly. He sees tears in her eyes. “H-He isn’t moving,” She mumbles, lips trembling. “I-It’s okay,” She whispers, rubbing her hand over her navel, where the sharp corner had dug into her flesh. “It’s okay, everything’s okay…” 

 

_ Do you see? _ A feminine voice in his head whispers, giggling. It had been quite some time since had last heard her. Rize laughs, showing all of her teeth in a wide smile.  _ You destroy everything that you touch.  _

 

“No,” he whispers, stricken as he reaches out, wanting to help. Touka snarls at him, slapping his hands away from her. He persists despite the hurt, soothing his hand over her belly in circular motions like he did at night when the baby’s movement kept her awake. 

 

And then there is movement. His son gives his palm two swift kicks, like he usually did. And it would make him smile like it usually did. 

 

But not now.

 

Touka sags in relief in his arms, soft sobs racking her body. “Touka-chan,” he says, trying to speak to her, only to seize up the moment that she looks up at him. Her kakugan had flares to life, eyes a dark black and red. 

 

A warning.

 

He releases her and Touka moves away, rubbing her side, trying to calm both herself and that baby inside of her. All Ken can do is stare down at his hands. 

 

He had hurt her -- he had nearly killed their child. Even if he had not meant to.

 

“This is done, Kaneki…” She doesn’t even look at him as she picks up her wool coat and wallet, shutting the door behind her as she goes, leaving him in a mockingly bright apartment. 

 

He doesn’t follow her.

 

\--

 

Her belly is still throbbing even as she finally does send that message to Yomo. She waits outside of the apartment, and rubs her stomach, soothingly whispering to the child within as she waits for Yomo’s car to pull up. When he finally does, she gets into the passenger side, covering her belly and avoiding his eyes. 

 

“Touka --”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says, “Can you just take me home?” 

 

She tries not to think about how Ken had looked -- the desperation in his eyes, the pain. But, it wasn’t about her, was it? He was upset because her leaving would hurt  _ him. _

 

“Fuck you, Kaneki,” she whispers.

 

\--

 

Stepping back into her old apartment, her old life, hurts in some way. She can't explain it even to herself. But as soon as she assures Yomo that she was going to be  _ fine,  _ he leaves her alone with herself and her lonesome apartment. 

 

In some way, a part of herself wishes he would chase after her, apologies falling from his lips and his eyes rounding in innocent sorrow and guilt.

 

But hours go by and he never comes.

 

She retires to bed, shivering in the dark and holding her belly as sleep takes her. 

 

\--

 

After the shock wears off, there’s only rage. He breaks everything in his path, smashing tables, throwing furniture, and punching walls until his apartment is an absolute wreck. He’s left laying amongst the ruin. 

 

She was gone. Gone and it was all his fault.  _ Like always. God, why couldn't he stop fucking up? _

 

He's ruined everything -- everything because of one careless mistake. Maybe it was what he deserved, he had been planning on abandoning her in the long run, after all. Even if it was for the best. He couldn’t just allow Hinami to die, after all. It was his fault that she had been captured, and it was his fault that he had been too weak to free her. He couldn’t even stand seeing her, knowing what he had done. 

He had at least wanted to savor this taste of happiness for a little longer, though. 

 

Between this and the actual truth of his plans, he knew that Touka would never come back to him. The only thing she's ever asked from him was that he never leave her alone and laughably, that was the one thing he's ever done.

 

He kicks the coffee table to a corner and trudges back into their room, where all her things remain in place, untouched. Like she's never left.

 

\--

 

Despite the various protests from Yomo and Nishiki, she shows up to work the next day. 

 

Nishiki quirks an eyebrow. “Seriously?” He says the moment that she walks through the door. He looks pointedly at her bulging belly, and Touka rolls her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be in a bed somewhere?” He asks, and she knows that he’s not just saying that about her pregnancy. 

 

Yomo also looks concerned. “Touka--,” the quiet man says before she can hardly stand it.

 

“I’m pregnant, not dying,” she snaps.

 

Then, she dons her old black apron over the flowery maternity dress. Her long hair pulled back by a scrunchie, she ignores the gaze that her two coworkers give her and writes out the menu board, prepares the beans and releases all the frustrations inside of her by busying herself with work.

 

Being at home was the last thing that she needed right now. If she were alone with her thoughts, then she might do something foolish. Like go back to Kaneki’s flat. She would try to demand more answers, but she had a sinking suspicion where the both of them would end up again. 

 

None of his reasons were good enough. No matter how badly she wants to believe that they were. 

 

_ Hinami. _

 

Just thinking about the girl makes her heart feel as though it being wrung. Cochlea was a fucking hell hole. Touka brews coffee for customers, washes cups and plates in the back, and scrubs tables -- doing as much as possible just not to think about it. Or him. Or how he had nearly killed the child she had been trying so hard to keep alive.

 

_ But didn’t he look miserable? _

 

So what if he did? He brought that on himself. 

 

_ Did he? _

 

Yes, he did.

 

_ Then why do you still want to see him? _

 

Because she is a fucking idiot, that’s why.

 

All last night she had driven herself crazy, thinking about him. Her bed had felt empty without his presence beside her. Despite all of the lies that she told herself, she had been happy playing the part of the blind housewife, happily expecting a baby. Like they were both a normal couple. It’s only been a day and she misses him wildly.

 

She wants to see him.

 

_ Of course you do. _

 

Touka has to brace the counter in order to catch her breath. She feels winded, exhausted. 

 

After everything that he had done, it felt impossible to stay angry at him -- even after Hinami -- or with how he had hurt her belly, even if that had been an accident on his part.

 

Why can’t she stop thinking about his stupid face? 

 

“Ugh,” she huffs, and suddenly she’s unsteady on her feet. She doesn’t even realize that she’s nearly toppled over onto the ground until Nishiki rushes towards her, catching her in his arms before she can hit the floor. She’s disoriented until he lifts her up, scooping her legs out from underneath her.

 

“H-Hey!”

 

“Shut up,” he says gruffly. “You’re going into the break room to rest and then we’re closing up early so that you can tell me what the fuck is going on,” he snaps, clearly annoyed. Touka’s ire raises, and she’s ready to fight until he says, “At least stop pushing yourself for the brat’s sake. You’re clearly exhausted.”

 

She’s silenced at that, and Nishiki leaves her alone to tell their patrons that the cafe would be closing early that day, apologizing for the inconvenience. Touka feels like a failure as she sits on the couch in the break room, staring down at her feet. 

 

She wants to see Ken.

 

_ What the fuck is wrong with me?  _

 

Touka rubs her temples, sighing as Nishiki and Yomo come into the room. They both give her disappointed looks, and for once, Touka can’t blame them. That was all that she was. She touches her belly.  _ I’m sorry that your Mother is such an idiot, _ she thinks.

 

“Did something happen with Ken?” Yomo asks bluntly the moment that he closes the door behind him. He leans against it while Nishiki plops down beside her on the couch. “You didn’t want to speak about it last night, but something is weighing on you.”

 

“How do you know it’s about him?” She mutters, causing both men to give her unimpressed looks.

 

Enough running. They would have to find out eventually. Especially since she needed their help. She sighs, and then takes a deep and steadying breath. “Hinami is in cochlea,” she reveals, clasping her hands together. 

 

Immediately, the room sinks into a tense silence. She can't even look up from her feet. She felt so much anger inside of her still, leaving her hollow --  _ how could he leave Hinami in Cochlea? _

 

“How?” Yomo is the one to ask, his eyes pained.

 

“I don't know what exactly happened,” Touka answers. “But I found a letter in his office, from Arima Kishou, he said something about giving her ownership to him.”

 

Nishiki cringes. “There's gotta be more to the story,” he mutters. Touka desperately wants to believe that there was. That Ken would never leave Hinami in Cochlea to rot. What even happened to ghouls when they were taken to Cochlea, if Hinami had been there for that long then surely --

 

“He got ownership of her in September.” Touka recounts slowly, it was probably even before that when they took her in. Why -- was he waiting? What was he waiting for? 

 

“It's October now,” Nishiki says bluntly. “What the fuck was he doing for so long?” Touka grimaces.

 

He told her he would take care of it, and Touka knew that he wasn't lying about that. But it chokes her up in the inside when she tries to wonder what he had planned. 

 

Was he trying to break her out? 

 

“ _ We should go out like this again,” he murmurs against her lips. “Before it’s too late.” _

 

What day had that been? He had taken her out on a date, it was the first time she had felt so happy, that she had ignored the time he spent in his office, the phone calls he had taken with the balcony door locked -- and the calendar. 

 

When she had found the letter, it was on top of his planner, the page of December pulled up. A red circle drawn on the 20th.

 

All the plans they had never exceeded that date. Dates, outings, vacations -- even when the doctor had informed them that the baby was due on the 28th of December, she saw it then on his face.

 

It was the same kind of sadness she'd seen that night she went to his apartment. When he had thought he would never see her again.

 

“Oi! Touka!” Nishiki snaps his fingers in front of her. “I asked you if you asked him

About it!”

 

“What?” She snapped tersely, “he told me he'd take care of it. With that stupid idiot smile of his.”

 

Nishiki snorts, “The last time he said that he was going to Anteiku to save the old man.”

 

To Touka, it felt like someone had pulled the ground out from underneath her.

 

_ That fucking idiot,  _ she thinks, tears biting at her eyes. All of this time and he had to go and do the same thing. And why should she even care? He had made his decision, hadn’t he? He was going to be the martyr again. He was going to sacrifice everything because he thought that was supposed to make up for all of the mistakes that he had made. 

 

“Stupid,” Touka whispers. She wraps her arms around herself. “What a goddamn moron--”

 

Yomo clears his throat. 

 

“This definitely changes a lot,” the older man says. “What do you want to do?”

 

Touka’s eyes harden. “Isn’t it obvious? We’re getting Hinami out of there.” This makes Nishiki’s eyes narrow.

 

“Oh yeah? How the fuck are you going to do that when you’re as big as a house right now? You’re pregnant, Touka.”

 

Right. As if she didn’t already know that. She stares down at her belly. The baby inside of her had been restless since the previous night, as though to protest being injured. She rubs her belly. He was a wild thing. Probably more like her than his father. She grimaces as she thinks of Kaneki again. 

 

There really was only one thing to do, wasn’t there? 

 

“Then -- I think -- I’ll need to ask Kaneki about whatever this plan of his is,” she mutters. 

 

Silence.

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

Of course, Nishiki is the first to speak -- and it was with something snarky. She grits her teeth. “What’s the plan going to be, Touka? It’s obviously to get himself fucking killed -- he probably wants to go out in a blaze of glory!”

 

That was probably exactly what he wanted. “He’s a dove,” Touka shoots back, “That means that he at least knows the ends and outs of cochlea. If he’s sure of his plan, it means that he thinks he can get Hinami out before he --,” she almost chokes on her next words, “--dies. If he’s not working by himself, then maybe we can come up with some kind of plan where we can all make it out of this,” she says.

 

Then, she’s quieter. “We can’t just all live peacefully and let Hinami die. Is that even any kind of life?”

 

She can feel Yomo’s eyes boring into her. She tries hard not to look at him.

 

“If I allow you to go speak with him,” the white haired man says, “And I agree to help him with whatever this plan is -- then you have to promise to stay here while we enact it.”

 

Her breath hitches, “Yomo-san--”

 

“Otherwise, we do nothing,” Yomo says, with more firmness than she’s heard from him since the moment he kept her from rushing off to die at anteiku. “And I mean that.”

 

Nishiki grumbles, “I’m with the old man on that. You’re fucking pregnant. You should have your feet kicked up somewhere. He shouldn’t even let you go off to see that half ass fucker--,” and Yomo sighs.

 

“What do you say, Touka?”

 

Her hands ball into fists, digging little crescents into her palms. They were absolutely right. She couldn’t endanger the baby -- and her coming along would only be a liability, no matter how much she hated it.

 

_ “Fine.” _

 

\--

 

She shrugs on her coat quickly, wrapping the scarf around her neck before she sets out to take a cab to his apartment. Touka had told herself that she wouldn’t go back -- that his leaving Hinami behind in cochlea was too much for her to stand, but she also feels sick at the thought of him throwing his life away with such zeal. As though his only purpose was to die. As though dying would fix every mistake he had ever made.

 

It was as though all of his decisions were circular. He never stopped making the same mistakes, again and again.

 

_ You should stay away,  _ the rational part of her mind whispers.  _ Nothing good can come from him. _

 

“I know,” she whispers.

 

_ Then why go back? He left Hinami behind. He wasn’t even going to tell you that she had been captured. _

 

“I know,” she repeats, leaning her head against the cool glass of the taxi’s window. “We need his help if we’re going to rescue her,” and it was a grudging fact. They did need his help, like it or not. Having a dove on their side who knew the ends and outs of cochlea would be a benefit to all of them. Having his assistance raised their chances at this suicide mission. She wouldn’t be able to go, but she could at least ensure Yomo’s and Nishiki’s chances, couldn’t she?

 

_ That’s an excuse. _

 

Was it?

 

_ Yes. Because you’re ignoring an important fact.  _

 

What’s that?

 

**_You just want to see him._ **

 

There’s pain in her chest, one that penetrates deeply. Kanek was a fool. He made all sorts of mistakes -- again and again, but abandoning him after learning that he wanted to die didn’t sit right with her. It feels too similar. Too much like her own father. He had been self-sacrificial, too. He had made all kinds of mistakes, and he had killed and killed, knowing that one day his actions would mean that he would leave his children behind, unprotected.

 

Would she have turned her back on him back then, knowing what she knew now?

 

She hadn’t been able to do anything to help her father, but maybe -- just maybe, she could shake some sense into Ken.

 

Right now, nothing else matters. She had to get to him, had to explain to him that she knew exactly what he had planned and that it was utterly foolish. 

 

That she -- wouldn’t stand for it. He promised her he wouldn't leave her alone. He couldn't go back on that now.

 

The cab stops right at the entrance to his building and Touka hands the driver a couple of bills without even looking at them, murmuring that he could keep the change. Then she's going as fast as her feet could carry her. She has to get to him, it's like a mantra in her head. 

 

_ She has to get to him.  _

 

For better or for worse, she wanted him. She didn’t want to leave him to his own devices, forever thinking that dying would be the thing to solve all of the problems that seemed to cling to him. 

 

There wouldn't be a home without him. She was not going to raise their child alone. 

 

\--

 

The door is unlocked when she makes it to his flat, and she momentarily stunned by the damage that she is met with when she opens the door. There is broken glass everywhere -- he seemed to have thrown glasses, cups, plates. There was splintered wood from where furniture had been destroyed, and many holes punched into the walls. The curtains that she had spent an hour picking out lay in shreds on the floor, and moonlight filtered in freely from the window.

 

And Ken lay in the center of it all. 

 

“God,” she whispers, “You have to be the biggest baby I’ve ever met,” and Ken immediately sits up at the sound of her voice. His eyes are hollowed, dark circles underneath his eyes. His eyes are red and puffy, and it’s clear that he’s been crying the entire time after causing all of this wreckage to his own flat. 

 

“T-Touka-chan?” He asks, looking at her as though she weren’t even real. 

 

She bites her lower lip.

 

“Yeah,” she says. “It’s me,” she shuts the door behind her and steps further inside, mindful of the glass and anything that she could trip over. “Is this what you do every time you’re upset?” She tries to joke, but neither of them find it all that funny. 

 

“W-Why did you come back?” He sounds almost childlike as he speaks. He kneels, on his knees, and palms facing upwards -- a sign of submission and defeat. 

 

“Hinami,” Touka says, lips dry. “I need to know what your plan is. Re: wants to help,” she says softly. “--But we’re not going to help you get yourself killed. So if that’s the case, we need to come up with something better than that.”

 

His eyes widen. S-She couldn’t possibly be serious about that. He couldn’t ask Re: to make such a sacrifice for him. Hinami was in that situation because of him, because of his weakness when he was Sasaki Haise, he could have ended it all right then and there but the comfort he had latched onto, at the CCG where he deluded himself into thinking he was happy, made him selfish. 

 

She narrows her eyes when she sees that her words have only made him more upset. She couldn’t even crouch down to his level to comfort him.

 

“You can’t do everything by yourself,” She says softly, trying to sit on the floor. He stops her, instead standing up and bringing her onto their strangely untouched couch. “I told you before that we don’t want your protection, doing everything by yourself is what got you in this mess to begin with.” 

 

He looks down with guilty eyes. She’s right about that, and his collateral was Hinami. 

 

“Nishiki and Yomo-san want to help,” she says again. “They made me promise to stay back.” Looking down, she brushes a palm over her belly. “I’ll just slow you guys down at the state I’m in.” 

 

She couldn’t be talking about this -- she wasn’t supposed to know, God, he fucked it up again. Now she was going to be upset that he had been planning to die all along --

 

“I was really mad at you,” Pausing, she rearranges her words. “I’m still mad at you. Not just because of the Hinami situation. But because you lied to my face, making all these plans with me and buttering me up with dates and cake, only to distract me from figuring out your bigger plan.” 

 

If he had been planning on dying from the beginning then, why did he bother doing all of those things? Why did he bother getting that  _ ring _ ?

 

It just didn’t make any sense. 

“I don’t get you, Kaneki…” 

 

He looks devastated. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “I’m always causing trouble for you.” Truthfully, he had been doubting his own plans for months now. 

 

Ever since she came to him, in a flurry of desperation and tears. The same lonely person from all those years ago. It was the first time he recognized that there was more to this -- more to the song and dance they’ve been doing for years now. 

 

He couldn’t imagine a day without her. He couldn’t imagine a moment when she wouldn’t be in some corner of their home, polishing something, fixing it, fixing parts of himself he hadn’t even realized he’s lost along the way. 

 

Touka looks around the ruin of her once immaculate home. “You sure do, you better clean this all up.” She couldn’t make a home out of him, especially if that’s not what he wanted. But she still had to know.

 

“Why did you propose to me? At that time?” 

 

Had he been doing it so she would stay? Why did he take her to see that doctor? Why had he been there when they could both see their son in her womb, breathing, his heart breathing. Why had he done any of those things?

 

She swallows uncomfortably. “Did you -- do it to distract me?” 

 

He shakes his head vehemently. “No,” he had been meaning to, for a long time. But now -- he has to be honest. She’s always figuring him out, even before he knows why he does something. 

 

“I -- I had been planning to die.” It sounds so stupid when he says it outloud. “Saving Hinami from Cochlea, getting her far enough so she can climb up to the surface and get to safety, while I hold the guards back. I should have done it a while back -- but when I was Haise, I found comfort in the life I had been living.” 

 

His knuckles are white from the way he clenches his fist. It’s only a few breaths, a few milliseconds that keeps him from thinking what  _ 1000-7  _ was. 

 

He finds softer hands reaching into his own, pulling his fingers apart and placing her hand on his palm so he can’t clench them. 

 

“I didn’t want to lose the life I had built. I was lonely and I thought that if this meant I wasn’t going to be alone, then I would take it.” 

 

Then the auction happened. He remembers a bright eyed girl sitting in a room of white, wearing a bleached Cochlea gown, discussing his favorite Takatsuki books with him. Insisting that he was her brother. 

 

She never failed to say it, looking at him with eyes of hope, even if he was her captor. 

 

Ultimately, it was because of those eyes that he was not able to abandon Hinami. Not even for their son and the happiness that lay just beyond the sacrifice.

 

“You idiot,” Touka admonishes softly, “You stupid idiot….” The oppressive pressure in her chest lifts just at the discovery that he had not intended to abandon Hinami. 

 

Not even for her and their child.  

 

Her hands come to rest on his cheeks, and she traces her thumb along the skin there, relief filling her. Ken blinks back tears, tensing as he stares at her, not quite believing what was happening. She was touching him? She hadn’t left again?

 

“I hurt you,” he says, body tense.

 

“And I kicked your ass too many times to count,” Touka counters, “You didn’t do it on purpose, right?”

 

He looks horrified, “No -- I’d never do anything like that to you,” and he says it which such sincerity that her doubts are chased away. 

 

“The baby is fine. Just don’t do it again. I know that it was an accident.”

 

Ken chokes, and reaches for her belly, stroking the bulging skin and releasing a watery laugh as he feels the baby kick within her. He was okay -- their child was okay. He bends down, kissing her belly once, then twice, then again and again. Touka strokes his hair, watching him. “Do you forgive me?” He asks in a small voice.

 

Why did he always have to look at her like that? Still, she couldn’t lie to him, even if he did look as though he was going to break.

 

“No,” Touka says, “At least not for lying about Hinami -- I can’t forgive you for that yet.” She brings her arms around him, embracing him as his head goes to rest on her chest. “But -- I’m not leaving you alone.”

 

What in the world had he done to deserve such kindness? Ken is floored, and he sits up, cradling her cheeks in his hands. She smiles, leaning into the warmth of his palm before turning her head just slightly to brush her lips against the skin there. “You’re a fucking idiot,” she admits, and he’s stunned when her violet eyes meet his. “But I’d be heartbroken if you died.”

 

Heartbroken?

 

He laughs, and then embraces her. Using his own words against him like that. “You’re cruel,” he murmurs. “It’s going to be impossible for me to stay alive on that day -- do you know how heavily fortified cochlea is?”

 

“Why the fuck should I care about that?” She demands. “I’m telling you to come back -- with Hinami, and Yomo and that idiot Nishiki. You’re not allowed to die anymore. Make that your number one priority.” 

 

Ken laughs even harder. “Is that an order?”

 

“Damn right.”

 

“You really are cruel,” he breathes, and then he kisses her. “How am I supposed to live up with your expectations?” He nips at her lips, breathing. He had intended his kiss to be gentle, but it’s as though a dam has broken the moment that his lips touch hers. Desperation claws at his chest, and he’s trying to crush her body against his.

 

“Be careful,” Touka murmurs against his lips, “My stomach--”

 

“I know,” he says, hands fisting in her hair as he moves lower in order bite at her neck. Her skin is sweet, and he’s pleased at the red mark that his teeth leave behind. 

 

She tilts her head as he kisses his way down the slope of her throat to work on the buttons of her coat, tugging it off in impatience. It had been too long -- far too long for him to be without her. He couldn’t wait for this. She shrugs off her coat and wraps her arms around his neck as he begins to kiss back to her lips.

 

Her body’s hot with need. Aching for his touch. 

 

She stands to tug the maternity dress off her form and then step out of her tights. She straddles his lap again, this time only in her bra and panties. She’s so breathtakingly beautiful. He kisses the corner of her lips, then her lips and then anywhere his lips can find. 

 

He knew that regardless of how difficult that mission would be, he would have to honor her wishes. 

 

_ He would honor her wishes. _

 

She latches onto his bottom lip with her teeth, gnawing and worrying until the flesh becomes swollen. He runs his tongue along the seams of her lips, from corner to corner until they were once again engaged in something messy. His hand reaches behind her, unclasping the bra and throwing it on the floor as soon as he has it off. His hands cup and massage her aching breasts. 

 

She hisses, looking so embarrassed when milk beads at the tip. 

 

“F-Fuck,” She whines, looking around for napkins. “It’s been doing that a lot lately.” She could probably just wipe it away with her dress, but Ken beats her to it, closing his lips over the swollen nipple, hollowing his cheeks for an indulgent and curious suckle. 

 

“What are you doing--” he detaches from her with a pop, licking his lips. 

 

“I’m making sure everything’s okay,” He answers, completely seriously. “I should probably taste the other one too.” 

 

He was such a  _ nasty _ fuck sometimes. The flush on her cheek deepens to a lovely red as he licks the sheen of milk from her areola. 

 

“I have to make sure the milk is okay for our child.” 

 

She pulls his head back by his hair. “Mhmm, okay,” She says, not buying it at all. “Or it’s that you’re just nasty.” 

 

His smile is crooked. “I haven’t had my snack in a while.” To which she only rolls her eyes. It had only been a day. 

 

Ken doesn’t give her much time to think on that, however, as his lips close over nipple again, hollowing his cheeks as he sucks in order to draw out even more milk from her. Touka shivers, eyes sliding to half-mast as she watches him. The sensation was a strange one -- though not unpleasant, in fact, her nipples somehow felt  more sensitive. Her back arches, as though trying to bring him closer and she threshes her fingers through his hair. 

 

He hums, pleased.

 

“Sweet,” he says, “It definitely passes my test--,” and then, he licks at one her nipples, cupping it and squeezing as his eyes meet hers, filled with playfulness. 

 

She takes her hand and pushes his face away, flushing. “You’re just gross,” she says, making him laugh. It was hard to believe -- earlier, it had felt as though the world was crashing down around him, and now he was so filled with hope that he could almost burst. Perhaps he really could do this.

 

He could save Hinami. He could survive, and then he could return home to Touka and their child. Maybe he could even help out around Re: with her, if they were able to pull all of this off. 

 

“We should go to the bedroom,” Ken says, looking around the ruined apartment sheepishly. “I didn’t -- break anything in there,” and Touka snorts.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Your things were there,” he admits quietly. He looks childishly guilty and she smiles at his sincerity. That was strangely sweet. 

 

“Come on,” Touka murmurs, then, “Let’s go,” and then she finds herself laughing as he scoops her up into his arms, mindful of her stomach as he carries her into his bedroom. He was right. He hadn’t destroyed anything -- in fact, it seemed more pristine, as though he had tried to organize some of the things that she had left out.

 

He lays her down on their bed, sliding off her panties. 

 

She licks her lips, parting her thighs for him and spreading her sex with her fingers. His eyes darken.

 

“What do you want me to do?” He asks, rubbing her stomach.

 

She pouts, parting her legs a little further, as if to indicate her answer. He was right, it had been too long. 

 

“Aren't you  _ hungry?” _ She asks softly. “How about another snack?”

 

He chuckles, slowly getting on his knees, taking over for her fingers, parting her nether lips softly then leaning in to lick between her labial folds. 

 

She whimpers, shaking slightly. “How is it?”

 

“Delicious,” he purrs before digging right back in. Closing his mouth over her entitled cunt, massaging the back of her thighs with his palms and slowly wedging a finger into her cunt, then two then finally three to fill her up.

 

“ _ Oh god,”  _ she moans, “k-keep going,” she licks her lips, rutting her hips into his fingers onto his hungry mouth a d drenching him with her essence all desperately.

 

She cums so messily around him that even he's taken aback. There's no time to play games after that. She sits up with a pout, reaching for him. 

 

“Come here….”

 

She sits on her knees, helping him with his clothes. She circles his cock with her hand, slowly stroking him and looking up with demure eyes. He loves watching her take charge. She gives the head kitten licks. 

 

He shudders, watching her.

 

“You like that?” 

 

He nods his head. She smiles, taking him in further until he can feel the back of her throat. She was really going all out.

 

She was driving him crazy. 

 

“Enough,” he grunts. Pulling himself back. He wanted to feel her, he didn't want to waste any time, wanting to use the whole night to make love to her.

 

Gently, he lifts her up, so that she’s sitting on top of him, and pushes their hips flush together. She’s so wet that he can feel her slickness on her thigh, and he pushes his index and middle finger against her clit. Her back is pressed against his chest and she tries to turn around, wanting to see him, but he holds her shoulders, keeping her from doing so. 

 

“Can’t we do it like this?” He asks, eyes crinkled with amusement. He rests a hand on her belly. “This is probably better so that we don’t put too much strain on you, either,” he notes. Touka shivers, especially when she notices that she’s facing the mirror on the boudoir that was directly across from the bed.

 

“Uh --”

 

“What’s wrong?” He kisses the back of her neck, and then he chuckles when he notices the mirror. “Is it the mirror?”

 

Of course it was the damn mirror. She turns her head slightly, scowling at him. “I look huge,” she says, only to gasp as she feels him slide his cock against her ass. He’s still so hard, and it was clear that he had no problem with her appearance. 

 

“Huge?” Ken echos, she gasps as his tongue traces along her shoulder, right where he knew her kakuhou was. It was a sensitive area and once Ken had realized that, he had come to love exploiting it. “That’s our child inside of you -- how could I not find you beautiful?” He asks, “Don’t you see? Look,” he says, as he spreads her legs, making her see herself -- all spread open in front of the mirror.

 

He reaches behind her legs, spreading her labia as he draws slow circles around her clit. “Do you see?” He repeats, and then, he bites at her sensitive, shoulder, making her shudder. 

 

“I love you,” Ken says, voice soft -- and the words leave her trembling as she turns her head to capture her lips. She lifts her hips at his prompting, pressing her hand onto the mattress in order to steady herself before she sinks down onto him. He fills her so nicely, and she watches as she takes him inch by slick inch in the mirror.

 

Her skin is flushed, slick with sweat and her body feels almost unbearably hot as he bottoms out inside of her. She can feel him so deeply, and he groans, resting his head against the back of her shoulder as he squeezes her hips in order to steady her.

 

“Look at how beautiful you are,” he says, “I’m lucky -- so lucky, Touka-chan,” and she moans as he grabs her hair, sliding the long hair to the side of her neck in order to latch onto her throat.

 

And then -- she start to move.

 

Her glazed eyes travel back to the mirror as she takes him in all the way inside of her. From this angle, she can feel him going deep, hitting that intense spot inside of her until her mind turns to mush. She’s sure that if he weren’t holding onto her hips right now, she would tumble forward and hurt herself. 

 

One of his arms reach over to wrap itself underneath her breast, just to ease her back and let her watch how his cock disappears inside of her. 

 

“You like that?” He asks gruffly, his hips lift up slightly to meet her downward thrusts and it makes all the difference. She was getting so close, her eyes close as she feels her belly coil into knots, her thighs feeling heavy from the building pleasure --

 

She was so close. _ So close _ .

 

He buries his face in her hair, sneaking a hand down below to circle her clit slowly and it has her overflowing. He slows down his thrusts just slightly so he can bring her back, rearrange her limbs so she can get on her hands and knees and he can thrust back inside her warm cunt. 

 

He pulls her head back by her long hair, making sure she can see how he was fucking her. 

 

“Watch,” He thrusts in all the way, until his cock bottoms out and through her lips escapes a whimper. 

 

\--

 

The early lights of dawn filters in through the dark curtains covering their windows. She lays on top of him, her back to his chest. After reassuring her several times she was not heavy enough to hurt him, she agreed to try it in this position. 

 

It was the best to kiss in as well. 

 

“I love you,” He repeats sleepily against her lips as she gives him a chaste kiss. Her heart feels close to bursting. She loves him too. So much.

 

She just hoped that this plan wouldn’t blow up in all of their faces.

 

\--

 

The following day, she returns to work early in the morning, in a much better mood than the previous day. Nishiki was already cursing her out in her text messages for coming back to work. 

 

_ Are you serious, dumbass? You nearly fainted yesterday! _

 

_ I’ll be careful -- I just wanted to take inventory, and I need to talk to you when you come in today, _ she writes. Ken had agreed to come into the shop later in order to discuss his plan with both Nishiki and Yomo-san. With all three of them working together, she hoped that they could at least come up with a strategy for breaking out Hinami that wasn’t completely hopeless.

 

_ “I have to go to work,” _ Ken had said, looking guilty, _ “I’ll leave early and then we can all speak, okay?  My superiors will get suspicious if I don’t show up.” _

 

And so, she had come into work, by herself. Yomo was out procuring food, while Nishiki wasn’t scheduled to come in later.

 

She’s begun making note of different blends that they are missing when she hears the door open.

 

She smiles as she turns to her new customer. “Hello,” Touka greets warmly before she hesitates. It was a man, dressed all in black, carrying a black suitcase. He’s smiling widely as he takes a seat at the counter.

 

“Good morning!” He chirps. “This is such a beautiful little place you have here,” he speaks in a chipper tone, one that seemed almost forced. 

 

A dove.

 

Somehow, he looked -- familiar, though.

 

“Thank you,” Touka says, putting on her best smile. A dove was in her shop -- and she was alone. “Is there anything that I can get you?”

 

“Just a black coffee,” the man says, this time looking down at her stomach. “Oh my!” He gasps, “How many months along are you, ma’am?” She doesn’t want to answer him, but she does, not sure what else to do. She was in no shape to fight if he did find out anything. 

 

“About 7 months.”

 

“7 months! And my partner never mentioned you at all -- i’m hurt!”

 

_ What? _

 

“Partner?” Touka asks, trying to play dumb. The man nods, laughing in a good natured way. “Yes! I’ve seen you with him before. Sasaki Haise. He didn’t tell me he had a pregnant girlfriend! And here I thought that we were partners,” he pouts at her and then shrugs.

 

Everything about this man seemed flamboyant, but Touka keeps her smile in place. Even though her insides feel as though they had turned to ice. This wasn’t a normal man, and this wasn’t a normal visit. “I’ll go make your coffee now,” Touka says, strained. Something about this screams danger. She can feel it.

 

She needed to get out of here.

 

“I -- need to get coffee beans from the back. We’re all out,” she says, thinking quickly. There was an exit in the back, and she could use that to get away. Though, this man had already see her face. She tries not to sweat. This wasn’t good at all.

 

“Not a problem -- I’ll be waiting here,” he practically sings, waving at her as she disappears into the back of the shop. She makes her way straight towards the back exit, panic gripping her as she takes out her phone, preparing to type a frantic message to Ken.

 

She opens the back door -- only to be greeted by a group of men. All dressed in black.

 

One of them smiles.

 

“Kirishima Touka, I presume?”

 

\---

 

**Chapter 6 end**

 

\--


	7. Maybe I'm dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you crying?”
> 
> Why?
> 
> That was a good question, though he already knew the answer. There was no mistaking this feeling, not when it had been so elusive his entire life. 
> 
> He returns her smile, then -- a real smile. These days, it seemed that it was only with her that he could do them.
> 
> “I’m happy,” he admits, before kissing her.

Something grim and heavy hangs in the air. 

 

It suffocates him -- makes his heart quicken and cold grip his chest. This isn’t a feeling that Ken was unfamiliar with at all. No, in fact, he had felt it many times before. He had felt it the moment that Rize had first bitten into his flesh, giggling and laughing as his blood ran hot down his neck, seeping into his clothes. He had felt it the moment that he had first laid eyes on Jason -- as though he had instinctually known that the man would eventually lead to his downfall. 

 

He felt it now.

 

Ken can feel sweat on his brow, that he wipes off with his gloved hand, turning his attention to the report in front of him. His hands tremble, and he has to breath in order to calm himself. Strange -- nothing was wrong, and yet it felt as though the floor was about to crumble from beneath him.

 

There were times in his life that Kaneki wondered if bad luck only came for him. He’s sitting in a lavish and gaudy conference room, overlooking other killers of his caliber and wonders how none of them seem to face the consequences of their actions. None of them had been tortured, brain washed, and ripped limb from limb, only to be sloppily thrown back together before being put to work. No -- that was a punishment reserved only for him. Not that it wasn’t what he deserved. 

 

It’s a strange thought -- that comes in between sips of coffee and secretly checking his phone under the table. A strange thought, just like the strange feeling that was currently overwhelming him. 

 

_ “Are you okay?” _ he types quickly, before placing the phone into his pocket. He receives an answer quickly enough.

 

_ “Just fine! :)” _

 

He raises an eyebrow. A smiley face? Touka never used those, though he supposes that it wasn’t all that odd. People often used emojis when texting, didn’t they? Ken feels -- odd as he stares down at his phone. Something felt wrong, but he couldn’t place what it was, exactly. There was nothing outright suspicious about the text message, but a cold pit gnaws at his stomach as he stares down at his phone.

 

In all honesty, he wasn’t even supposed to be here, but somehow ended up being coerced into joining the meeting as the secretary of the Zero squad, taking Arima’s place.

 

He scoffs inwardly at that last bit. Right — and the onlookers stare at him like he’s some kind of outsider.  _ Guess it doesn’t matter even if I am a former human. _

 

Oh well --  they were all poised for destruction anyways. He can already feel several things going wrong despite the amount of preparations and backup plans, just as it did with anything the CCG tried to plan. There would be casualties, though they would all continue to march on as though they hadn’t lost anything, as though their lives were only equal to the amount of ghouls they killed.

 

_ That’s exactly the case, isn’t it? _

 

Now, whether that was going to be because of his hand in breaking out Hinami or something else entirely, remained to be seen.

 

He sends another text to Touka. Maybe seeing her would clear up some of these negative feelings. Just the thought of her presence sends a calming feeling of relief that warms the cold within him.  _ “Can we meet after work? I’ll pick you up.” _

 

He receives another quick reply. 

 

_ “Can you come by in a few more hours? There’s a lot I need to take care of. :( “  _

 

Another emoji.

 

It’s only then that he notices that Furuta wasn’t present at this meeting. 

 

—

 

_ Where am I? _

 

Blearily, her eyes adjust to the low halogen light inside of the metal container she was in. The last few moments of recollection before her blackout comes as violently as the vomit she spews after chowing down human food.

 

The dove. Those men in Black and now, this.

 

Her brows furrow as she determines that she was being taken somewhere. She feels her person for her phone and finds that she couldn’t find it. They had taken care to remove it from her.  Panic starts rising in her as questions start pouring into her thoughts. 

 

_ That man was a dove.  _

 

He hadn’t killed her for some reason -- instead, he and the men that were with him had brought her here. That meant that this was cochlea -- or perhaps, it was something else entirely. It’s not something that she can even begin to understand as her thoughts race. Why would they bring her here and not kill her? She couldn’t even begin to think of a reason, at least until the lights in the cold, dark room turn on.

 

“Hello~,” she hears a jovial voice and she recognizes it as the man who had captured her. The room is filled with bright, eye stinging light -- and she finds herself in a cell, surrounded by glass. There were mirrors surrounding her on all sides of her small container and she winces, closing her eyes for several seconds before they adjust. “I was waiting for you to wake up, little rabbit!”

 

Rabbit.

 

Right -- it seems as though they knew exactly who she was. She thinks he had called her that before capturing her, too. Covering her stomach, she sighs in relief as she touches it and can still feel life within. Her belly hadn’t been injured, then. There wasn’t a lot that she remembered from the battle. Her throat burns when she tries to speak. “Where am I?”   
  
“Now, why would I tell you that?” He asks, sounding amused. “Though, I imagine that you can guess, yes?”   
  
He sounds so fucking smug. She imagines that he had that same fucking smile on his face, too. It makes her want to bash his face in. She can hear his voice coming from a nearby panel of glass. Perhaps this was a two-way mirror? It would make sense. 

 

“Cochlea?”   
  
“Ding, ding, ding!” He cries, “You win the grand prize!” He claps his hands -- and suddenly, the mirror begins to fade, and clear until she can see outside of the cell. The man was there, standing where she had thought and behind him were many different people in bleached white lab coats. She sees the same men in black further in the back of the steel, metal room where they all were.

 

It seemed like a lot of security for just her. 

 

“Is this my prize?” Touka asks dryly, making the man laugh. “Why, yes! You’re a funny one, aren’t you? I can see why he likes you!”

 

_ He. _

 

“You know Kaneki?”   
  
“Of course! But that’s not the subject matter that I feel like discussing right now,” the man chirps, brushing her off easily. Touka grits her teeth, hands balling into fists. She snarls, eyes burning as her kakugan activates. “Easy, easy! No need to bring out your claws when I was nice enough to let you see me, right? I wanted us to have a nice little face to face chat! We could even strike a deal!”

 

“A deal?” She echos, bewildered. What can she possibly give him that he would want? It wasn’t like she could risk escape with her state.

 

“Yes,” he smiles, his lips pulling up and his eyes becoming Cheshire-like. “A deal. Something that works for both of us, Ms. Rabbit!” 

 

“And what is this deal?” She asks, quirking an eyebrow incredulously. This was, at most, all some kind of sick joke. A last minute laugh before she and her child are inevitably killed. The very thought makes her sick.

 

The man’s eyes gleam with amusement, his hands poising to clap but stopping short of it to give her a knowing look. “There must be something that you want,” He says liltingly. “Let’s not underestimate each other.” 

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Her temper was at its very end right now. “What kind of deal can I make that’s going to be _ that _ good?” 

 

“Yotsume.” His voice is above a whisper, but she hears him just fine. And with it, her stomach seems to seize. Halfheartedly, she registers her child kicking away, he was in his playful moods. “Wouldn’t you like to see her?” 

 

_ Hinami.  _ Can she even trust this guy on that? Like it wasn’t some kind of fucking joke for him.    
  
“It’s not a difficult decision, you and your little rag tag team were coming to rescue her, right? Why don’t I save you the time? You can have Yostume, you can give me something in exchange.”

 

She doesn’t ask what, dread filling in her belly. His smile never changes. 

 

“That child,” he leans closer to the mic, “Give us that child and then you and Yotsume will be dropped right back at your little cafe, Kaneki Ken won’t need to shoulder that large burden and you can all live happily ever after!” He flails his arms. “Isn’t that a good deal, Ms. Kirishima?”

 

_ Her baby? They wanted her baby? _

 

Her throat feels parched. “W-Why?” She stutters. “Why my child--” Her hands loop over her rotund belly and for the nth time in her life, she’s terrified.   
  
He gives her a small, condescending smile. “You don’t need that baby,” The man gives a dismissive wave of his hand, “He would be better off here, don’t you think?”

 

“ _ A little monster like him,”  _ He snarls, smile turning a sharp corner and his head tilting a little, _ “Just think of what he’s going to be capable of.”  _

 

Her heart stops.

 

“Or not!” He laughs, as though this was all some funny joke. “The choice is yours. The other option is that I kill little miss Yotsume, and then Kaneki Ken can find you and your little monster’s mangled heap.” He shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated way, and then laughs as though he had just told a hilarious joke. It’s difficult for her to understand his words and his actions, or to process them. He wanted to use her child.

 

She grows pale.   
  
“I can see your hesitation,” the man purrs, “How about I make the deal sweeter? I can reassure you that  _ I  _ will inflict no harm upon your son -- he will be well taken care of until he comes of age.  And you can go about your life, hiding in obscurity with the rest of your little ghoul clan!” He’s chirping now.

 

“Who knows? You and the boss might even be able to pop out another little brat,” he keeps talking but she can’t hear him anymore -- as the room seems to slowly disappear around her, fading into the darkness. This was the reason she had been taken alive. These people had use for her, and for her child. They wouldn’t have done all of this for some random pregnant ghoul. No, they would have killed her on the spot -- speared her right through her swollen belly without a second thought or any remorse.

 

As a half-ghoul -- her son had value to these people.

 

As a tool.

 

“Are you listening, Kirishima-chan?”

 

And suddenly, she’s back in that small, confined room. The cold is seeping into her skin, chilling her flesh, muscle, and bone. Furuta leers, “I need an answer~”

 

Her hands clench on her lap, the thin fabric of the coarse hospital-like gown they had given her bunching up underneath her fingernails. He was a smug bastard, wasn’t he? “Even if I say no, you’ll take my child anyway, won’t you?” She speaks so softly that she can barely even hear herself.

 

“What is the benefit of you giving me this deal?” 

 

“You probably won’t even honor it, even if I agree,” and she sees the slightest twitch in his smile. It’s brief -- but she knows that she’s right. This snake like man had no intention of keeping any of his promises. That meant, this was all a game to him. It was some kind of fucked up power play.

 

He chuckles. “Are you sure that’s a risk that you’re willing to take?” He asks, “I think I’m being quite kind here. We can both get what we want this way, yes? I thought it was the  _ least  _ that I could do. I’m quite fond of the boss, you see!”

 

“So you kidnap his pregnant lover and make threats?” She hisses.

 

“You’re a ghoul,” he reminds her. “You’re nothing but a monster, at least that’s how the world sees you,” he grins when he sees her flinch. “If anything, I’ll be seen as the man who saved him from the bewitching beast that has ensnared him. I could have just killed you, you know,” and then he stands, brushing off his pants as he sighs. “Though, a ghoul woman with the ability to carry a half-breed child this long -- is quite  _ fascinating _ . You’re quite the catch, bunny!”

 

“But, I can see that this is getting us both nowhere,” he says with a pout. “Is that your final answer, bunny-chan? Am I  _ really _ going to have to go with option two -- or better yet -- what about option  _ three _ ?”

 

She doesn’t want to know what his third option is, but he tells her anyway.

 

His smile is slow, like dripping honey.

 

“The child is nearly viable at this point, isn’t it?” he ask, tapping his chin with his gloved fingers, “How about we just skip all of the formalities and cut it  **right out of you?”**

 

\--

 

Another hour passes before Furuta finally shows up to the meeting. His hair is tousled, as though he had been in a rush, and he sits beside him before giving him a wide grin. He seemed to be in a better mood than usual -- which was certainly hard to pull off, considering that he was almost always obnoxiously chipper. “Good afternoon, boss!” He laughs, and claps a gloved hand on his back. “What did I miss? Not too much, I hope!”

 

Ken immediately found his presence grating. The man takes a seat next to his and seemed more chipper than the times the two of them had slaughtered wards full of ghouls.

 

“You missed an important mission debriefing,” Ken tells him, miffed and quite annoyed. It also made him very anxious when he couldn’t put a name to the location he was in. Especially, when Touka seemed to be behaving so oddly. 

 

“Sorry, Boss!” Furuta gives him a sheepish smile. “I woke up late! And then had the strangest craving for a latte. But not just  _ any _ latte, one of the best in Japan.”

 

Ken gives him a dry look, pretty sure he was saying nonsense. No matter, he didn’t have to care about any of that. He has to wrap up his business and go to Re:.

 

As soon as he can.

 

“What about you, boss?” perching his chin on top of his closed hands. “How was your morning? You look _ stressed _ .”

 

Ken gives him a tight smile at that, closing his laptop and politely declining in giving a real answer. He didn’t like the sharp look that Furuta was regarding him with. He looks looked at him like that when Ken had thoroughly amused him. 

 

“It’s nothing for you to worry yourself about.” 

 

He hums, making another one of those exaggerated leaps. “I don’t know about that, boss…. we don’t need someone of your caliber distracted chasing moths and butterflies~”

 

“What’s with that euphemism?” He mutters, packing his laptop into his bag, keeping his hands steady.

 

Furuta’s smile seems to widen then. “Oh you know, it’s a beautiful day out, all those pesky insects are out, making a claim for our space —“

 

“Yes, yes, you seem to enjoy moving your mouth more than doing work recently, so I think you can handle both of our reports, can’t you?”

 

He can see the older man's eyes twitch in agitation. 

 

“Of course, Boss,” he says with gritted teeth. “You can be quite childish, you know that?”

 

“Get to work,” Ken nods his head over to the computer, “You can handle the rest of the meetings todays too.”

 

He doesn’t want to alarm the others with his hasty exit but he needed to go,  **now** .

 

—

 

_ Something’s wrong. _

 

There had been something slick and knowing in Furuta’s words and expressions as he had spoken. The man had seemed entirely too pleased with himself -- more so than he usually did. It was as though he knew something that Ken didn’t. It was never good for a man like that to be a step ahead. He had often seen it first hand as his partner -- the delight that he took in the misfortune of others. Furuta was a man who took great pleasure in being the most cunning and deceitful man in a room.

 

Flaunting his prowess was something that Furuta  _ couldn’t _ help but do.

 

He had clearly been doing it the moment that he had walked in -- towards him. Though, Ken wasn’t sure what his smugness had been about. It could be about anything, couldn’t it? It could even be about a promotion.

 

_ Don’t be a fool. Furuta isn’t that kind of man. He’d only gloat if he  _ **_knew_ ** _ that he had you. _

 

The unease within him builds.

 

Something is wrong. Something  **is** wrong. Something is **wrong.**

 

Ken speeds to Re, driving much faster than he’s ever done before. He cuts past red lights, nearly scrapping past other girls just to get past him. Touka hadn’t messaged him at all since that last strange message. She hadn’t even answered when he had called her phone. Instead, it went straight to her cheerful voice mail.

 

_ “I’m not here to answer your call right now -- but if you leave a message, I’ll be sure to get back to you --.” _

 

He hangs up.

 

And then, he  _ knows. _

 

Furuta had said something odd when he had come into the office. Something that hadn’t unnerved him at the time -- though at that time, he hadn’t understood the meaning behind his words.

 

_ “I woke up late! And then had the strangest craving for a latte. But not just any latte, one of the best in Japan.” _

 

Furuta only flaunted information like that when he knew that he had ensnared his prey, after all. He could only hope that he was wrong. He could only pray that Touka would be at Re -- waiting for him with a smile. She would make fun of him for getting so anxious about a simple emoji when he told her about his concerns, and then she’d make him a nice cup of coffee that would calm his nerves.

 

_ You’re dreaming again, Kaneki. _

 

He didn’t want to be.

 

_ You know exactly what happened, already. _

 

No, he  **didn’t.** His teeth grit, hands tightening on the steering wheel. He wouldn’t know anything until he had seen it with his own two eyes. He had just seen Touka earlier in the morning. Nothing could change that quickly. He had been careful -- he had been incredibly careful when trying to keep her safe. He had tried hard not to do anything that could possibly implicate her. He was just being nervous.

 

Touka was also a smart woman -- and there had been no talk of going after another ghoul run cafe in the CCG.

 

Ken is sure the streets have tire marks from his haste once he finally arrives at Re. The lights are on inside, to his great relief. Perhaps he had been overthinking things, after all?

 

Slamming the door shut, he doesn’t even bother locking it when he’s too busy flinging the door of the cafe open, catching both Yomo and Nishiki’s attention.

 

The two men looked at him, pale and wide eyed, before recognition and caution filled their gaze. Ken seems to find something steady in him to see familiar faces. It was a relief —  _  a very strange kind of relief in seeing them here. _

 

That would mean that Touka was okay. Neither of them looked hurt and nothing looked damaged or out of place, so it meant she was okay — and Furuta had just been messing around with him. He was just paranoid - he had been worried for nothing at all.

 

“T-Touka?” Where was she? Maybe she was just trying to scare him, she usually likes pranking him, pinching his cheeks and calling him silly after.

 

Something in their gaze looks off. Then again, dread fills him.

 

“She isn’t with you?” Nishio asks him, brow furling.

 

His heart tightens, clenching as though something clawed and cold had snuck its way around it. Coiling, squeezing. He had often felt like this before -- as though he were staring death down. Once, it had been when he had found his mother’s body. She hadn’t woken up one day, refusing to respond even when he called and shook her until his voice had gone raw. Then, it had been the day that he realized that he was no longer human -- the day that he had realized that there truly no longer existed a place where he could belong.

 

Next, it had been when Arima had stabbed him right through the eyes. 

 

And then, the moment where it had all came together for him on that rooftop with Eto-san. The very moment that Haise had finally died.

 

**Again,** his world shatters in a single instant.

 

\--

 

Re closes four hours early that day.

 

The three of them close themselves in the break room. Though, it was more like Yomo had forced Kaneki into going to the break room tp wait there while he and Nishio closed the place. The man seemed almost deathly calm -- face stony in a way that did not reveal what he was thinking at all. This all felt far too familiar, like that time that felt like another life, when the CCG had ripped someone away from them before  _ too. _

 

Ken’s heart hammers, palms sweaty from the anxiety. He felt about ready to leap out of his skin. He wanted to tear through the city -- or blow it the fuck up. He had to find her -- but where had she gone? 

 

He felt nauseous just looking at the cup of coffee Yomo had thrusted into his hand before leaving him alone. 

 

It wasn’t Touka-chan’s coffee; he didn’t want it. His head was starting to hurt. Where was she? He wondered. Was she okay? 

 

_ Where are you -- where are you -- where are you? _

 

He could hear Nishiki and Yomo speaking to each other out in the hall. It seemed the more time that went on, the longer he was alone and the more destructive his thoughts become. 

 

He knew it was his fault. It always was, wasn’t it? It was because of his shortcomings as a person, and then as a ghoul that led to the end of Anteiku. That led to the destruction of the safe haven of the 20th Ward ghouls. He couldn’t even die correctly at that time. He had survived when Kaya, Enji, and the manager had all met their ends. It was the same reason that Hinami was in Cochlea right now and why even Touka-chan was —

 

No, he couldn’t bear to think it. 

 

He needed to get to her, wherever she was, and then it strikes him.

 

**Furuta would know.**

 

He was clutching the cup so tight that it breaks in his hands, stabbing at his palm and fingers with vengeance. That hardly mattered though, nothing mattered at all right now. Not until she was back with him and safe.

 

White hot rage boils in him. That fucking bastard — he knew. He always fucking knew — his hands close into a fist, digging the shards of porcelain in deeper. 

 

“Fuck!” Nishio points at his hand, bursting through the door with Yomo at his heels. “What the hell is the matter with you?!”

 

It is only then that he looks down at the right fist, his shoulders drooping from the tense perch. Ah, the wound looks bad — though it didn’t matter to him, it would surely heal the next time he ate.

 

Nishio swears, running to the counter to grab paper towels before returning to him. He approaches him carefully, there last encounter still clearly in his mind before he hands them to him. Ken dabs paper towels on the wound to stop the bleeding. “Careful,” Nishiki-senpai warns,  “The Manager hates it when people come in injured.”

 

Then, his thoughts were back on her again, teeth gritting at the anger he felt. He knew who did it, and instead of spending his time here he should be tracking that rat faced bitch down and getting Touka back.

 

“Ken,” Yomo steadies him with a hand on his shoulder, “Calm yourself.”

 

“How am I supposed to do that?!” He demands the older man, “She’s — gone! I - I just saw her this morning -- she told me to pick her up today and —“ he was rambling, _ oh god.  _

 

“I know,” Yomo says, tired and shoulders sagging. But his hands never leave from steadying Ken’s shoulders. “Right now, we should be planning. Jumping into the fray would only bring more attention on us.” 

 

How could he be so calm? 

 

He had been calm back then, as well. Now, he understood Touka’s frustration. How could they all just sit around when the people who had taken from them were still walking free and unharmed? “You’re cold, Yomo-san,” he finds himself saying, voice frigid from fury. “Are you really unmoved by all of this? You’re content to just throw Touka to the wolves --”

 

Pain explodes in the side of his face as he’s suddenly flung to the ground. He feels warm wetness sliding down his cheek, and his left eye is filled with red. Dazed, he touches his cheek, pulling back to see that it was blood. Yomo stands above him, hand raised and closed into a tight fist and it’s only then that he understands what had occurred. Yomo had -- hit him? His head is ringing from the force of it.

 

“Shit --” Ken hears Nishiki gasp. “Easy, old man --,” he grabs Yomo’s arm, only to be shrugged off.

 

“You’re the last person --,” he’s never heard Yomo sound like this, as though his very voice was burning. “The  **_last_ ** person who should be saying that to me!” He’s yelling -- and the very sound of it has both he and Nishiki stunned to silence. “For months now -- I’ve watched you toy around with her. She always went back to you, even when we were against it -- and now she’s gone. Do you think that she would’ve been taken if not for you, Ken? We weren’t on the doves radar!”

 

He can only stare.   
  
Nishiki winces, “Old man --”   
  
“There wasn’t a struggle -- no blood. And there was no one waiting for us when we got here,” Yomo continues. “If this was a raid meant to kill, do you think we’d all be here still talking”

 

“I’m not calm -- this is the only way that we can come up with some kind of plan to get Touka back. She’s been taken because of  _ you _ . Either you sit there and we figure something out -- or you can go run off and die like you’ve planned to. I don’t care either way.”

 

Then, his eyes soften, “But I know that she wouldn’t forgive me if I let you run off and die.”

 

None of them can speak as a pain-filled silence fills the room. Ken wipes the blood from his eye, grabbing his face as he stands. His head is still spinning, but he honestly couldn’t blame the man, now. He was right.

 

“Don’t you dare say that I don’t care,” Yomo whispers. “I don’t want to hear that from  _ you.” _

 

When he storms out in a fury, neither Nishiki or Ken do anything to stop him.

 

**It really was all his fault, wasn’t it?**

 

\--

 

It’s silent - the trip to Touka’s old apartment. The whole walk there, Ken reflects on what had led to this, if she was okay and if their child was also doing well. If Furuta had taken her, there was more reason to it than to just mess with him.    
  


Months of meticulous planning and this is where he had ended up. Being completely blindsided by not acknowledging his weakest point.    
  


_ Touka. _

 

It was truly stupid of him. 

 

Earlier that evening, after Yomo had calmed down, he had give him the spare copy of keys to Touka’s apartment. The three men had decided that they would contact Shuu and Hori before they made any actual plans about how to get Touka back. It was quite clear they would need as much premeditation on the matter as possible. Even if the other two chose to not get involved, it would certainly help to have another perspective in the matter, especially by Hori, who was quite skilled in these matters. 

 

While that answer seemed to satisfy Yomo and Nishiki, it did not satisfy him. He knew better than to take their calmness as comfort but right now, ihe was unsure if he would even be able to continue on with his plan if he didn’t have any indication on her well being. 

 

His mind was an utter mess, completely undone by one careless mistake. 

 

_ I should have never gone to the meeting. I should have risked it, stayed home with her. _

 

He should have trusted his gut instinct the moment he received the text that Furuta had sent from her phone. 

 

But he didn’t. He had chosen to ignore his instincts and it was a mistake he was not willing to make again. 

 

\--

 

The resolve he’d built up on his short walk from Re: to Touka’s apartment seems to crumble the moment he walks through the door of her previous apartment. He could smell her perfume, her coffee mug was still on the table and her slippers were by the foot of the couch. It was smaller than the home they shared together, but the place still had lots of memories to it. 

 

Touka had spent a total of two days away from him in this place. He can see the evidence of it still, her existence etched into the very fabric of that moment. 

 

And he was back again, agonizing over his failures. 

 

He slams the door shut, locking it. 

 

\--

 

Yomo had advised him against going back to his apartment. 

 

_ “Whoever took her was probably doing this to lure you. If you go back there now, they would have you alone.” _

 

That puzzles Ken. Wouldn’t that be better then? If he went to them alone?

 

Nishiki scoffed and told him to not even think about that. 

 

“ _ You aren’t invincible, you dumbass. You think storming the place alone is going to help anyone? We need a real plan, and we’re going to come up with one in the morning when Shittyama and the human midget get here.” _

 

He hated that idea even more. There was still a part of him that was extremely guilty about what happened to the Tsukiyama family. To Kanae. He wasn’t ready to face up to those mistakes yet. 

 

In the end, rational thought had won out and while Ken wasn’t afraid of either of them, he knew they cared about Touka and Hinami, and him in a certain degree. They wanted all of this to be over with and everyone safe as soon as possible. Even if it meant hardlining him and making him spend a night in a home where he can only think about  _ her.  _

 

There was cold coffee still sitting on one of the burners. She must’ve been in a rush this morning. Though she had made her made, as she had done every morning when she lived with him. Touka had often complained that he hardly cared about anything in his flat. He had kept it neat, of course -- but he usually didn’t bother to make his bed before he left out. He hadn’t bothered to do a lot until Touka had moved in during the last few months.   
  
She had turned that bland and grey apartment into a home -- and now, she could be lost to him forever. 

 

His head throbs, a tight pressure building right behind his eyes. He removes his gloves, pressing his fingers to his temples. It was a dull, throbbing pain, one that refused to abate. He winces, standing up and making his way to her bedroom. It was pink -- and filled with a variety of stuffed bunnies, including a large one that he recognized from her old apartment back in the 20th ward. It was like she hadn’t even left.

 

This pressure wasn’t disappearing anytime soon, was it?

 

He climbs into her bed --  It still smelled like her, scent clinging to it and enveloping him as he pulled the blankets over him. He shouldn’t be here. He should be out there, searching for her. He should be tearing the entire city apart for her. It was at times like this where he wished he was larger -- stronger. If he was, he’d be able to easily destroy anything that stood in his way. He’d be able to pluck any weeds that might ensnare those he cared for.

 

Like Arima -- or  _ Furuta. _

 

He isn’t sure when sleep finally does take him -- but when it does, his fingers are still twitching, desperate to destroy. 

 

\--

 

The smiling man’s words stay with Touka, long after he’s already left. 

 

She’s fading in and out of consciousness -- in between the heavy drugs that she knew were pumping through her system. She feels slow and sluggish, as though heavy lead had taken up residence within each of her limbs. She stays like that for hours, before realizing that they must’ve been pumping some kind of gas into this room. They had to -- to keep all of the ghouls down here docile. Touka isn’t even sure how much time has passed until that awful, destable man returns. 

 

"You surprise me, Rabbit," he says with a saccharine smile - "I thought First Class Investigator Mado's murderer would have more fight than this -- or at least be smarter," he says to her during one of her more lucid moments.

 

"F-fuck off," Touka slurs, sitting up too quickly and feeling the wind being knocked out of her. Everything was hazy. She has to squint just to get a clear view of him, but she felt as though she was finally waking up. 

 

He smiles, all edges and teeth, "Your little monster is doing great, if you wanted to know--," he says turning to her, "It's still something to wonder about, though,” he says, musing, “It’s managed to survive a long time, hasn’t it? Why’s that?" 

 

Touka grits her teeth, hands protectively cupping her stomach, he laughs, then. “So serious! And here I am trying to give you updates! Your monster is healthy! Doesn’t that make you happy?” He’s taunting her -- trying to make her break. Biting into her bottom lip, she bites hard enough to ground herself. Focus on the physical pain and not her own anguish.

 

The others probably knew that she was gone at this point. Though, she finds herself hoping that they didn’t come to look for her. “You -- talk -- like you already know,” She bites out, “So why come bother me about it?”

 

He laughs, “I do love a fiesty woman,” he says, head tilting to the side. “You almost look like someone I know when you’re like this,” he comments, something dark in his eyes. He reaches out a gloved hand to where she was chained, intent on stroking her cheek.  Touka recoils, pressing herself hard against the cold wall and away from his hand, which makes his smile widen.

 

“That’s familiar, too,” he notes, chuckling. 

 

He gives her one last look before leaving the room altogether. 

 

She waits for the gas to start filtering in once more at his departure, though it doesn’t to her surprise. Touka takes this as a blessing, rising up to stand, rubbing at her belly and stretching out her legs. 

 

Her child was restless, kicking from within her, much more than usual. The activity would normally make her smile, but he was just as restless as her, almost like he could sense her distress. The glass surrounding her cleared, showing many of the scientists and quinque wielding doves outside. But were they doves? They dressed in all black -- just like the men who had come to capture her. Perhaps they didn’t care if she saw them, now. Or maybe it was a psychological tactic -- so that she could understand that there truly was no hope.

 

She and her child were nothing but lab rats to them.

 

They were keeping her under tight security, huh? Instead of fear, the thought made her blood curdle in excitement. Iit had been awhile since she had fed, hadn’t it? All of this time, she had been eating human food. She had neglected her own needs for the sake of her growing child -- and doing so seemed to have worked, but it had left her weak. Even now, she could feel her mouth begin to water. 

 

There was food outside -- her stomach vibrates as hunger begins to gnaw at her insides. 

 

It had been a long time since she had felt the effects outright starvation - where the hunger could cloud your mind completely - make someone into a true monster. However, in this place she didn't care about holding it back. They spoke about her and her child as though they were monsters -- and she didn’t have anything to lose, did she? 

 

The smiling man outside was planning on killing her and taking her child away. She couldn’t afford to be docile and complacent. 

 

_ Patience.  _ Her rationality offers her something to hold onto, but it just wasn’t good enough. She would have to act soon, to do something at all.

 

She had learned to hunt as a child -- stalking prey, and waiting for the best moment to strike was something she had perfected. She had been better at it than Ayato, back then -- before she had grown soft. And so, she waits. She focuses on that hunger, that anger, and waits -- and waits. She waits until the moment one of scientists steps inside of the room. There was something in his hands -- a red liquid in a glass cup.

 

_ Patience. _

 

He comes a little closer -- and she knows, that  _ now _ is the time. 

 

Gathering all of her strength she leaps forward, allowing her kagune to burst from her in a blaze of burning red. It slices through her chains at her arms, and legs. The scientist screams, but the sound is cut off when she grabs him, teeth bearing down and tearing his throat out.

 

It was _ sweet. _

 

Touka relishes the taste of the sweet flesh as she swallows. There is an immediate burst of energy and she takes another bite -- feeling full and strong before flaring out her kagune to its limits. She hardens it, before shooting crystals out all around her, shattering the glass around her cells. It rips through it like paper, before finding a home in the chests of the scientists who were closest to the cell.

 

And then, the men in black are closing in. 

 

She knows that she won't escape - but she is too important to kill outright -- at least until they could secure that the infant within her was viable. She still had some time before that and she would take as many of them down with her as she could before she could be subdued again. 

 

It's a bloody massacre by the time she is done. All seven in front of her door, laying around helplessly at the threshold of it - Touka wipes away the blood dribbling down her chin, eyes cold as she watches another five run into engage her. There was no way - she felt the thrumming of her RC cells and the tell tale chant of 'kill, kill, kill' and she does, relishing in their screams of agony and forgetting all about  _ mercy.  _

 

**Fuck mercy.**

 

Look where it has gotten her, cooped away in a cell to birth out her child until they dispose of her. 

 

Two other men  come in afterwards - taking a cue from when she is distracted and restrain her without the use of a quinque. 

 

They were probably the top dogs, nothing like the small fry's she'd killed. She feels a pinch in her arm, and turns over to see the smiling asshole stabbing her with a needle -- face grim, "Rabbit-san," he said disappointedly, "Are we  _ really  _ going to have to do this the hard way?" He asks as though he were disparaging her. Touka snarls, trying to bite at him as well, before she’s suddenly too weak to complete her attack. She slumps again, furious.

 

She would kill him  **too** \-- she wouldn’t let  **anyone** take her baby from her. 

 

\--

 

He couldn’t escape the thoughts of her, even in his dreams. It seemed as every part of his bent on thinking about her obsessively, about the last few months they’d spent together in their shared home, dreaming of a life of peace and serenity with their child. 

 

Even though the diet was taking a toll on her body, her eyes were bright. She had enthusiastically made plans to get things for the baby, set up the room and make their home more livable. Made him come home from work and truly find solitude and rest in her and the quiet of the apartment together. 

 

And now, she was gone. There was no telling if he would ever get her back. Slowly his mind drifts further and further from the plain of existence. He wished he had something to smoke but she had made him quit. 

 

_ “If we’re going to be together, you should get rid of that habit, I don’t want our baby to inhale that nasty stuff.” _

 

She’s always spoken with so much finality in her tone. Like she knew that she would have to only say it for him to comply. He’s never had someone quite like that in his life, to tell him right from wrong and tell him when he was wrong in same breath as when she told him that he mattered, not just to her but everyone around them. 

 

It had been hard to digest then, and it was still hard to digest now. But wasn’t it what he had craved for so long? Just for someone to understand and to hold his hand and take the steps with him, to believe in him and choose a life beside him?

 

The gold of the ring in a dark chain glints, he had given her a ring first, not from the best of faith but the ring she gave him, held far more meaning.

 

_ “What we should be doing is thinking about names,” she said, flipping through one of the name books she had picked up on one of her daily errands. She looked so soft under the blanket, her belly protruding so much that he could see the peak of skin where her shirt didn’t cover.  _

 

_ “Should we?” He asked, tired and his voice teasing as he wraps an arm around her and tries to bring her closer to nuzzle her neck. She was not having it though, pushing him off and sitting up, looking expectant, as if she wanted him to do the same.  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “I made a list.” She said seriously. 

 

_ He looks it over lazily and can’t quite hide the groan. She put Usagi on the list. “We can’t name him that, he’ll be bullied forever.”  _

 

_ “What?” She frowned, “Why? It’s so cute, “Sasaki Usagi.” _

 

_ He made another face. “Touka-chan...he’s going to come home crying every day.”  _

 

_ She huffed, as if she didn’t understand why he would think the name was a bad idea. “Fine, then! Why don’t you choose a name?!” He would blame her hormones, if he didn’t know that she was prone to having fits of exasperated outbursts often. It was all part of things that made her so damn endearing and unforgettable.  _

 

_ “Okay, then.” He sits up, “How about Shoyou?”  _

 

_ “Yuck! My baby isn’t a 50 year old man!” Shoyou?! Was that from one of his damned books? _

 

_ “Okay, something more modern then,” He says dryly, “Tomio?”  _

 

_ “No! You’re even worse at this than me!” He frowns, she did not just say that to him after suggesting to name their child Usagi. She takes the book from him and flips through the pages again, scanning the margins of names she’s picked.  _

 

“ _ Okay, okay, how about we pick a name we’re already familiar with?” He asked, playing with the ring around the necklace that he was wearing. “Arata… whether you put Sasaki or Kaneki, Arata is a good name for a boy.”  _

 

_ She looked at him blankly, turning back to the pages. He frowned.  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Had he said something wrong? “Or we can name him Hikaru? Sasaki Hikaru sounds nice, strong even.” He could imagine a boy with a head of messy black hair and stunning eyes running to him, calling him papa and it made his heart beat out of his chest. 

 

_ Even now it was hard to fathom that it was really happening.  _

 

_ He takes another look at her, the sad pout of her pink lips as her fingers hastily flip through pages upon pages. “Touka? What’s the matter?” He cupped her face, making her look up at him. She searches his tired eyes and tries to shake out of his hold.  _

 

_ “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”  _

 

_ He doubted that. “Didn’t you say that things were meant to be shared? Both the good and the bad?” He knows he’s got her when she looked so guilty at being hypocritical of her own words. “So why don’t you try?”  _

 

_ It may have been a little careless of him to bring up her parents, given how sore of a subject it was for her still. But he knew that if there was a name they could agree on together, it would have to be a name that they were both familiar with already.  _

 

_ Touka speaks however, far too fast for him to understand at first. “I don’t want to name the baby after either of my parents. I want him to have a fresh start,” she mumbled, “ and his own name.” _

 

_ A puff of air leaves her lips, like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders and her chest, freeing her from certain responsibilities. “My parents were both killed for being ghouls. I don’t want our child to have a name that already carries so much weight.” _

 

_ He supposed that he could understand that. _

 

_ “Would you want to name the baby after your mother?” Touka asks, and she does not miss the way that his body stiffens, as though she had struck him. This happened every single time she had ever tried to bring up his mother these days. He used to mention her from time to time -- before aogiri had come and changed him. A darkness seemed to fall over him. “It’s probably better not to,” he murmurs. “You’re right. A fresh start is best.” _

 

_ “What was your mother like?”  _

 

_ He tenses again, before smiling. “She was amazing,” he says, touching his chin. Her eyes are drawn to the action as she reaches forward, taking his hand into hers. Their fingers lace together, and Touka breathes deeply. “You know,” she says, carefully choosing her words. “You can tell me if -- if she wasn’t amazing.” _

 

_ He’s quiet for a moment. _

 

_ She was quite perceptive, wasn’t she? Touka always had a way of seeing through his lies. It was difficult to hide things from her. Even if she didn’t ask, she seemed to always know. _

 

_ “Ken?”  _

 

_ “My mother -- never put me first,” he says after some time. “I used to think that was fine. That -- that was how I should behave, too. She was kind and she helped others. She helped my aunt to the point that she dropped dead,” he looks down at their joined hands, warmth filling him when she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. “She told me -- that it was better to be hurt by others, than to hurt others,” he continues. “I lived by those words for most of my life.” _

 

_ Her brow furls.  _ **_Better to be hurt…?_ **

 

_ “So -- it’s kind of funny -- that she spent so much time hurting me, when she thought like that.” _

 

_ His wording is vague, but she doesn’t need him to elaborate on what he means. It’s clear as day the moment that she sees his eyes grow glassy with tears that he tries to keep from spilling. She reaches towards him, grabbing his cheeks, and bringing is head down to her chest. She’s soft and so very warm, and Ken can’t help but wrap his arms around her, clinging to her tightly.  _

 

_ Her fingers comb through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. It feels relaxing “I’m sorry that your mother did that to you,” she whispers, and then pulls him back. Tears trickle down his cheeks, and she brushes them away with her thumbs. He cries harder when she does that, cupping his hand over hers, and nuzzling his cheek against her hand.  _

 

_ Then, she smiles. _

 

_ “Why are you crying?” _

 

_ Why? _

 

_ That was a good question, though he already knew the answer. There was no mistaking this feeling, not when it had been so elusive his entire life.  _

 

_ He returns her smile, then -- a real smile. These days, it seemed that it was only with her that he could do them. _

 

_ “I’m happy,” he admits, before kissing her. _

 

_ \--  _

 

The sky is still dark when the sound of his phone wakes him up. There are dried tears chapping his face. 

 

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and opens his phone.

 

_ 5 New Messages. _

 

_ — Bosssss!  _

 

_ — BOSS! _

 

_ —  Are you asleep? :D _

 

_ —  Boss, you’re really not going to want to miss this! :) _

 

_ — I have an interesting deal for you! Meet me at the pier. _

 

Hot rage grips him the moment that he checks his phone. It’s as though his head was being placed over an open flame. He squeezes the phone, cracking the sides of it from the force of his grasp. 

 

This was more than likely a trap. 

 

Yomo-San has said not to go anywhere or do anything until they’ve developed a plan. 

 

_ He took Touka-chan!  _

 

The screen of the phone begins to crack again before he finally shoves the phone into his pocket and stands up. This was definitely a trap -- and yet --

 

His rage was far too great. He couldn’t stand staying in Touka’s apartment, knowing that Furuta knew where she was -- knowing that he would even taunt him with that knowledge. He isn’t even aware of himself until he’s locking the door to Touka’s apartment and storming out. 

 

Ken knew it wouldn’t help, but had to knock Furuta’s teeth out. It’s the only thing that might make him feel a little bit better. The drive is short, he’s simmering in his own fury the entire drives.

 

_ Touka-chan -- Touka-chan -- Touka-chan…. _

 

_ Are you safe? Did he hurt you? _

 

Furuta was probably feeling very smug right now, everything had fallen right into place for him and while Ken had been careful, meticulously planning his every move for months now, the man had been several steps ahead. But why -- what reason did he have to do any of this? A normal dove would’ve just reported him or killed Touka and be done with it. What was his goal?

 

When he arrives, he’s seeing red.

 

“Boss! You made it!” Furuta stands against the railing of the pier, gesturing happily, in that annoying familiar chipper tone. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t show at all, but I guess you knew that this deal was going to be  _ sweet.” _

 

Seeing him there -- seeing how smug he looked -- as though, he had already won -- like he had all of the chess pieces in his hand was too much for Ken. He can’t control himself, and is barely even aware of his kagune bursting through the material of his coat and wrapping around Furuta’s throat. It’s a miracle that he doesn’t snap it right there -- and he grits his teeth, fighting for control. 

 

_ End him. _

 

He couldn’t. Touka would be as good as dead if he did that. 

 

“Easy now, boss!” His legs are dangling, and he’s coughing, though he doesn’t look afraid at any point, even as his skin beings to turn blue. “You can’t kill me yet! My life is already promised to a pretty lady! You can’t take that away from her, can you?” He coughs, and it’s only then that Ken has the presence of mind to release him. He falls to the floor, laughing and coughing as air fills his lungs.

 

“You have a temper boss! Just like that cute little rabbit you knocked up!”

 

Ken’s teeth grit -- eyes flashing as he advances, grabbing Furuta by the collar, and shoving him hard against the railing on the pier.

 

“Shut the  _ fuck --” _

 

Furuta’s smile never wavers, “Easy, easy! You know doing anything foolish it might not bode well for Kirishima-san and your child!” His words are enough to freeze Ken in his tracks. It takes every ounce of power inside of him to stop himself. He releases the other man, as Furuta’s grin widens,  “I am holding all the cards in my hands right now, boss,” his voice is like silk. “Be smart, alright?”

 

Furuta chuckles, brushing off his clothes as Ken takes a step away from him. 

 

“Come on, boss!” He laughs, “I’m just trying to work something out -- I’ll even sweeten the deal since we’ve been partners for so long,” Furuta regains his bearings, fixing the collar of his jacket. “You’ve been such a good boss that I want to help you! Your little rabbit didn’t take my deal, though -- but I’m hoping that you’re smarter. You are smarter, right?”

 

A deal?

 

“What do you mean?” He had offered the same deal to Touka?

 

“It’s a sweet little deal,” Furuta grins, eyes crinkling as Ken grows silent, waiting for him to continue.

 

“If you give me your child, then I’ll release both Kirishima-san and Yotsume-chan and make sure that you and your little crew is left alone,” he purrs, almost like a self satisfied feline. Ken’s eyes widen.  “I’ll even add in the protection from V for free.” His eyes crinkle from the disturbing smile, as he makes the peace sign with his fingers. “What do you say?”

 

“Give you my…?”

 

He feels cold.

 

All of this time -- he had been fighting in order to keep Touka and their child safe. He had made a nest egg -- one that they would use even after his death. Ken had dreams -- plans, from the moment that he he learned that Touka had told him that she was pregnant. He had poured all of his hopes into that dream.

 

He should have known that all dreams were destined to die.

 

He couldn’t trust Furuta to keep his side of the deal. He was a rat, though and through. 

 

But-- 

 

_ But -- _ he was desperate.

 

_ Ask yourself, _ he finds himself thinking.  _ Who do you want to see again -- no matter what? Who do you need more than anything? _

 

**_Who can’t you live without?_ **

 

When he put it that way, the answer was simple, really. At the very least, it would be a good way to buy more time.

 

He looks up, eyes meeting the other man’s. Defeated.

 

Furuta’s laughter echoes through the pier.

 

“Good choice, Boss. <3”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life takes a toll when you're trying to update your multichapter fic. Thank you again for reading and always leaving us kind comments, it means the world to us and no, we haven't forgotten about this fic and have already planned its ending. We hope you'll be with us throughout that journey!


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